A fool's Journey

 

My dear mother/father God,

It was long long ago,

since I prayed and communicated with you…

 

When I experienced the pains around caused by the wicked;

When I saw the pain affiliated toward each other by men of this world;

When I heard the cries from the innocent animals being butchered;

When I witnessed the abuse and destructions of the mother earth..

I was furious with you-

What kind of God are you?!

How could you-

allow such horrible things happening in your domains?!...

 

So I rebelled against you

And I became a godless soul…

Even though there was indescribable longing and pain

which silently resides within my soul-

which no riches of the world

no distractions of man’s games can relieve me from

that kind of deep longing and deep pain-

which seemed to be interwoven into each cell memory of my very being..

 

So ages after ages, lives after lives,

I was not really living but simply surviving and existing

aimless and goal-less

My soul was drifting on the surface of those dark waters ghostly,

as if at any moment I would be swallowed by the stormy waves

and fell into the abyss of the blackness…

 

Yet it was always YOU

Who showed me the beauty of the world

when I thought there was no real beauty to be found;

It was always YOU

who are there holding me and wiping my tears

when I found there was no one there for me;

It was always YOU

who gave me strength and courage

when there was no hope to be found;

It was always YOU,

who you have loved me

so dearly and so unconditionally…

What a fool I was..

 

Like birds leaving their mother’s nest,

Even though she knows the danger-

her babies are going to face without her protection

Some may not even survive through a day

Yet she has to let them go and test their own wings…

Sometimes the unconditional love is –

not about keeping but about letting go..

 

Yes, what a fool I have been-

thought I could be without your love

thought I could create without you

Yet, every foolish journey of mine was supported by you-

Otherwise I would not be here at all...

 

My dear mother/father God,

It was I that have forgotten about you,

You could never have forgotten about me ;

It was my human-ness that created things other than Love

You can never create anything other than LOVE…

Finally, a fool is ready to come home...

 

 

 

Like a fish is swimming in the sea

 

 

Like a fish is swimming in the sea

Yet, unaware of

its life is supported-

by the very water

 

Like an eager is soaring in the sky

Yet, unaware of

its wings are supported-

by the very air

 

Like a man is living in his foolishness -

seeking for his flesh pleasures and worldly glamours

Like a man is living in his ignorance-

believing that he is even above the force of nature-

                                due to some of his scientific and technological achievements ...

Yet, unaware of 

his very foolishness and ignorance

(his choice of adventures/experiments)

are still being supported 

by the Divine love...

''...My child,

Whatever you choose for your life

is fine with me

Such is my love for you -

unconditional and eternal...

But my child,

 whatever you have chosen

whatever you have created,

you have to experience -

just that!

Such is my love for you as well-

even though you often fail to recognize it ...''

Rejoice!

 

If you are sad about-

the darkness in the world

Don’t be- rejoice instead!

Rejoice for the light-

 has been illuminated in your consciousness 

So you can recognize

everything else other than the light

 

If you are depressed about-

the seemingly defaults and handicaps in you

Don’t be- rejoice instead!

For the strength and bravery in your soul-

because you could have chosen a easier path for your journey

Many times what is perceived the less in human eyes-

is the more, the greater in the spiritual eyes

 

 

If you feel lonely and misunderstood

by people by friends even by your own family

Don’t be- rejoice instead!

For this special gift from the Universe!

That you are made different with divine purpose-

the purpose of not fitting in but to create a new path

or a new pattern in human collective consciousness;

Or the purpose of this divine protection 

from all the unnecessary distractions 

in order to enable you more efficiently 

entering the silent and sacred communion 

with your true Creator!

(There you will be made known-

Loneliness is just a lower human consciousness

In divine communion there is no such thing as loneliness..)

 

So be still, my soul sisters and brothers

Sometimes though our eyes don't see the stars -

it does not mean that they are not there;

Sometimes though our smiles are shown to everyone

it does not mean the tears aren’t there

So be still, and have some compassion for

the others and as well as yourself

 

Rejoice, my soul sisters and brothers!

For being given such a great gift of life-

to come to this beautiful planet called Earth

to experience life’s all richness and fullness

(including those unwanted experiences!)

to exercise our creativity in bringing 

the divine ideas into physical manifestation 

(In truth all the existing genius creations known to the human world

 have been divinely guided or inspired in one way or another,

only those fools  and ignorants claim proudly that-

 It was from their own ‘genius’ human mind)

 

Rejoice, my dear soul sisters and brothers!

For still being able to feel the holy breath of life

In and around us at this very moment;

And simply, rejoice for being alive...

Namaste!🙏

She, a divine feminine

 

As a brilliant diamond-

is forged under pressure

As a brilliant sword -

is made under the hammers and flames

So was she!

She was not born strong

She was forged and made strong

by this world…

 

When the world kept letting her down,

She, did not shout for vengeance

She, did not weep for audiences 

Instead silently

She, picked herself up

She, licked her own wounds

She, retreated from the world

She, cried behind closed doors

She, fought her battles that nobody knew about...

Oh God,  she fought so hard and bravely...

 

When the time finally came for her,

When she finally won her battle,

She, re-emerged in the world with her brilliance

When people were dazzled by this unfamiliar light

When people were dazzled by the burning flames in her eyes-

yet without a faintest idea-

what a bloody battle she had fought 

and what a hellfire she had just walked though..

 

As Marilyn Monroe became a star to the world

with her beauty

As Ariana Grande became a star to the world

with her voice

She, a true divine feminine-

became a star by conquering herself 

She, became a star yet unknown to the world

by realizing her own light..

 

Her necklace was NOT made 

by gold or peals 

but by her tears;

Her attire was NOT made

by cashmere or exotic eastern silk

but by her scars;

Her 'crown' was NOT made

for a queen of this world

but for a warrior of the Spirit;

Her beauty was NOT meant

for the eyes of fools of this world

but for the beholders of light himself/herself...

 

Because, her truth had been made known to her-

after all her silently fought battles of dragons and demons

which were inside and outside her

She, was/is/has always been a divine feminine!

and GOD has always been her biggest fan

and her real home has always been there among the shining stars…💖

A Wicked Man

 

What a wicked man you were!

You praised me-

for being a good lamb

Yet secretly you were counting the worth of my fur;

and preparing the slaughter of me-

for a good lamb soup on your dinner table…

I watched your wickedness in tears

Not because I was unaware

But because I did love you

 

When I finally had enough of me being

a good sacrificial lamb

when I finally had enough of your wickedness

You turned your praise into fierce condemnation-

for me becoming a dangerous villain

You spread the villain stories of me slandering my name

Yet secretly I was feeling worried even sorry towards you

Not because I was worried about my own name

Not because I was sorry that you couldn't recognize WHO is behind my name

But because I knew you would hurt yourself much more in the end-

what goes around comes around, as always

 

Only if you could know,

The wicked game you played on me will be played on yourself-

on your own consciousness as how this kind of game always goes 

It was never about if I was a good lamb or a bad villain

It has everything to do with your own being, your own soul

your own consciousness and your own false conceptions

I was merely a mirror of  your own lamb-ness and villain-ness

 

So wicked man,

Until you could see the beauty in your own lamb-ness

Until you could face your own villain-ness with love and forgiveness

Even you thought you knew everything about me

In truth you knew nothing about me at all...

 

So wicked man,

As poverty of a soil can be nurtured even after a bad storm

As beauty of a rose can be appreciated even after its thorns

Nothing is what it seems

I am NOT what you think I am

Neither are you

 

(Notes: The ‘I’ and ‘you’ used here are impersonal.)

 

 

 

the Story of a Little soul

              As a beloved child of the Almighty God, a little soul (I will address it as ‘she’ here just for its gender simplification) was living in an ultimate state of blissfulness and being nurtured, protected by the eternal divine love… She was such a joyful, creative soul and she loved playing with her soul brothers and sisters. Wherever she went, there was much joy and laughs and she was dearly loved and cared by all… For eons time she was in her peace and contentment from that blissfulness, that godly perfection, nothing less of perfection was experienced in her consciousness yet until one day out of blue, an idea came to her and started to grow bigger and bugging her more and more. In the end she could not contain the stirred feeling inside her, so she went to her beloved mother/father God for help.

          ‘My dear mother/father God, you are the creator of all the heavens and universes, and you are the all-perfect and all-powerful God Almighty. Since I am your beloved child, I am made perfect in your image as well and everything inside and outside of me cannot be anything else but perfect right? But, if I am already perfect as I am, why am I feeling some kind of uneasiness and discontentment arisen within me right now? ’ questioned the little soul.

          ‘My beloved child, you will be always perfect in my eye!’ smiled God, ‘You soul have just grown and matured more. Otherwise you would not have come to you with this question- this is known as the ‘Divine discontentment’, which it is quite normal phenomenon at a more matured stage of soul evolution of my children’’.

          ‘But, you just told me that I am perfect, we are perfect. Why do our souls need to evolve more?’ the Little soul felt confused.

         ‘ We are perfect as we are. But at the same time, God is not a constant concept- that is human’s idea of God. God is forever evolving and expanding consciousness-there was no limit or end to a God consciousness- here again, it is a human idea that when a thing reaches its perfection, there is no more room for improvement or expansion.’

          ‘Ok, tell me more about the human life!’ the little soul felt sense of excitement. She had heard about the stories about her soul brothers and sisters choosing to incarnate into physical forms, especially popular with the human forms…

        ‘As I have told you that we are perfect as we are. But there is a DIFFERENCE between just being in our perfection and knowing our own perfection!’ God paused trying to use a few simpler words to explain something immensely complicated to his lovely Little soul, ‘ As you are my children, you all are blessed with this divine perfection. While you are at your heavenly home, you are just naturally living in your perfection because our heavenly home is a home of unity consciousness, of the oneness- there is nothing outside of the perfection and the Oneness. But in order to know your own perfection objectively, you will be needing a mirror, a reference point. For example, you are living in perfection,  but you may not know you are living in your perfection, it is like the bliss of ignorance. So once you have experienced the imperfection, you will have a new intimate knowing of your own perfection…’

          The little soul did not understand everything God said to her but she listened attentively because she loved and trusted her mother/father God with her whole soul and she knew that her mother/father God has immeasurable wisdom. God continued, ‘When my children like yourself grow out of your infant stage, your soul will naturally grow into a ‘ teenage stage ‘which marks with the sense of divine discontentment like what you have described to me, which will make you feel a bit restless desiring and seeking some kind of soul adventure in order to reach to a place like ME, a real God/Goddess who knows the totality of one’s Self- the Great Spirit in an very intimate way!’

           God paused in silence before he continued, HIS etheric face seemed to change into a more of seriousness, ‘But, my dear child, know, this kind of journey is not without risk! When you choose to incarnate to a human body,  you can’t bring along with your entire soul with you because this pure and godly soul energy is too strong and too powerful for a localized human body to contain, so you only take a piece of your soul with you to the earth realm…which can be very tricky at times. For a new soul as well as for old souls(they often carry more karmic baggage), it can be quite disoriented for any free soul being forced into certain regulated family rules and social norms, especially those souls chose intentionally to birth into a toxic family to help or to work out some past karma can be extremely challenging at times! Many of your brothers and sisters have left home long ago, but they have not returned. It is not Me who judge them it is often their own human mind are placing judgement upon themselves…’

            The little soul knew this is very important message from her mother/father God, she tried to take as much as you could into her soul memory, she had a strong feeling that this information can be very critical for her home returning one day. God spoke again, ‘So this piece of godly soul is hidden under the chamber of your heart. If you don’t want to forget about who you really are and where your real home is, in the mist of incarnation forgetfulness and disorientations and even more more human dramas, you need to constantly reconnect with your heart, and from the chamber of your heart, there you will be hearing the voice of your voice if you learn how to calm and master your human senses… Remember, my child,  don't forget to feed self love and attention to your own heart and soul no matter how dark it gets for you at times, because that piece of soul hidden in your heart chamber will be your home away from home and will lead you back to me one day ... Remember, who you really are, my child; Remember to raise your spiritual sight over your human sight because things are not always what they seem...Remember, sometimes your seemingly human failure could be the blessings in disguise; Remember, sometimes your brothers or sisters may 'play' a role as your enemy in order to serve your awareness or awakening... after all everything and everyone you encounter is your own reflection of who you are - so you can know your Self as me as God.. .' God uttered lovingly and gently.

         ‘I promise, I'll remember that! I'll remember who I am! And I'll remember you and my real home…’ the little soul could not help but to repeat her promises trying to ensure her loving and concerning mother/father God but in the meantime she was unaware the gravity of those promises and how difficult it would be to fulfill them!! For the very first time, her consciousness felt sense of uncomfortable sadness before she leaving her beloved mother/father God, her heavenly home and companions...the rest is the history.  Looking back at all her earthly incarnations -she loved and been loved; she hated and been hated,  she played victims and she played aggressors; she played women and she played men, and she had her moments of joy and she had her moments of sorrow, and her hearts had been broken and healed yet she has always had a deep knowing inside her despite of her human ego mind trying to convince her otherwise: there is a Big secret hidden under her heart chamber waiting to be revealed … Today might be the day, she thought to herself. She could no longer ignore the voice inside because it has become louder and louder! Indeed, how long have I been on this journey? How long and how far have I been journey away from Home? How many lifetimes have I repeated the same shit lesson? And how she felt over and over again the desperation of alienation and loneliness as if her home is somewhere else in the distant stars… and indeed it is! By now, she has known too well the drama of the world, and the drama of herself, so just like that out of blue, she decided NOT to play her human drama anymore! Upon that awareness of hers, she knew that finally she answered the call of her soul and she knew this will be her last life because she is going HOME…

           Back to today. A war in 2022? It is unbelievable and unacceptable!!!  As my heart and prayers go to the all the people who are suffering from this war, I am saddened by the very fact of the history is repeating itself again! the same kind of drama is being replayed under our eyes again! Do we humans ever learn from our past mistakes?! We are like the hamsters on the wheels keeping running yet not getting anywhere except repeating the same cycle over and over again?! No matter which side you think you are standing right now, we are actually standing on the same side- we all are brothers and sisters! The little soul is inside me as well as inside you; the story of the little soul can be my story as well as yours, if you choose so.

            There maybe some souls who have lost more their ways; there maybe some souls who want to play the drama little longer; they may appear opposite to us, even enemy to us in our human drama playing, but in spirit realm, we all brothers and sisters! I am not here to tell you either to fight or not to fight, the choice shall NOT be manipulated by any man’s egoistic agendas, the choice shall be made by each individual soul- if the soul decides to lay down its physical body in order to know its own love and compassion in such an ‘intimate’ manner, so be it!

          So before you deciding to hurt, to kill, to take the revenge on someone, think twice! Seek NOT justice in terms of your mind but your heart! Because, this world is made of so many rules and laws yet so many of injustices and unfairness. So you may buy your way out with money, or power, or simply getting lucky… but there is no single soul in the universe can trick its way out of the divine justice: the law of the cause& effect’- what goes around comes around indeed! So before you doing anything bad, don’t check with your mind, check with your heart/soul- you heart knows better and your soul knows ever better! You may not be able to save anyone, or save the world, at lease you can try to save your heart; you may never become a hero in the eyes of other humans, at least you can try to be your own hero, in the ‘eyes’ of your own soul…

       As we know, pain and suffering are greatly feared by we humans because our intense attachments to our physical sensory experiences. Yet, there is certain spiritual value in our experiences of pain and sufferings. Not only because we humans tend to learn our lessons better through them, but also they can ignite some of the divine seeds buried and forgotten in human souls like compassion, understanding and forgiveness… this is not always easy because often our ego stands in the way but nevertheless, even the pain and suffering can be served as an opportunity of soul awakenings and soul remembrance of who we really are, and what we are to one another!

     Remember the little soul before she left her heavenly home for the first time, how exciting she was about becoming a human being, to be able to walk, talk, to dance, to sing, to touch, to feel and to experience, to explore her own consciousness in such intimate ways with the other human beings?!… Since when we humans have become so dull and so insensitive to all the beauty, all the abundances and all the blessings around us…Life is a gift, so is with our human life!So live deeply!  We don’t have time to hate, to kill, to hurt each other; we don’t even know if we still will be here tomorrow; so let’s use the little bit time left to love each other, to bring joy instead of sorrow or pain to each other… don’t we all have had that enough?!!!

      We don’t have to wait until crossing the veil to the other side to hug each other, to hold each other’s hand in our spirit forms... Why can we do that already now- Isn't that a much better idea than to war with each other?! Let’s go out together smelling some roses or hugging some trees; let’s walk together bare feet on the newly rained grass playing chasing; let’s sing and dance together under the beautiful moonlight; let’s sit shoulder to shoulder feeling the caressing of the sunrays and enjoying each other's company in silence; let’s just take a deep breath feeling the gratitude of simply being alive and looking at each other’s eyes deeply reminding who we really are and what we are meant to each other in the depth of our souls…💗

 

A date with my inner child

‘‘The mass crushes beneath it everything which is different, everything that is excellent, individual, qualified, and select. Anybody who is not like everybody, who does not think like everybody,                   runs the risk of being eliminated.’’

 --- Ortega y Gasset            

 

What a strange world we are living in-

it has its ways to make things good bad or bad good;

it has its ways to make a kindness like a weakness;

it has its ways to make lightheartedness seem

foolish and incompetent…

 

For such a very long time, my dear inner child

though I have known your sorrow

though I have known your frustrations

though I have known your loneliness

though I have known how this world has been unkind to you

unfortunately I was the part of that world-

thinking you are just being too dramatic, too needy

too demanding, too sensitive, too this or too that…

In truth, I could not admit to myself-

Behind all the compromises of myself was

that desperate desire of trying to fit in this world;

and behind that desperate desire was a very wounded inner child of mine

desperately longing for being loved and accepted …

For such a long time, my dear inner child

I have betrayed you-

because I could not face you

because you were my trauma, my wound

and my deepest secret…

 

Forgive me, my dear inner child-

for having been such a coward and such a fool

for not having understood my own ignorance-

that I may be able to run away from the entire world

yet I can never ever be able to run away from you,

from my own self, my own being…

 

Forgive me, my dear inner child

I will never again turn my back to you even the whole world does;

I will never again silence you even the others try to;

I will be there ready to wipe your tears when you are let down;

I will be there ready to laugh with you even the others are there laughing at you;

I will be there ready to hold you loving you whenever you feel unworthy or unloved…

 

So how are you doing today, my darling?

Are you feeling little blue right now?

What about me taking you out for a date-

escape from all the must-do seriousness of life for a moment?

get away from all the rigidity, dullness and rules for a while?

What about  diving into the deep blue sea

chasing some beautiful mermaid?

Or, what about riding the winged house Pegasus

playing with the rainbow halo under the sun?

Or, what about you and me having some caramel popcorn

enjoying some quiet cozy time together under the shining stars ?…

 

My dear inner child,

You are the spark of God Mother/Father of me

You are the divine essence of me

You are unbound by the universe

Yet I have tried to bound you by the worldly rules...

You came with me into this world-

with your brilliant divine light and joyful lightness

then you shall leave this world with me

with the same untainted light and lightness…

as this is my promise to you, my dear inner child

No more tears of sorrow

No more separation

Not in this incarnation!

 

This game of life we are playing here on earth

No matter how cold, heavy, cruel or hopeless at times

It is just a game, in the end

No matter how good, how real holographically it may feel like at times

It is still just a game, in the end

 

So let’s not take this short human life too deadly seriously!

Let's have some fun and find some humor at the same time-

even in the midst of greyness and darkness!

Let's try to keep our heart light like a feather

even though it has its bleedings and patches

(which may has made it more fit for a heart of a wounded warrior, hahaha)

Let’s keep shaking off any darkness or heaviness 

Let’s leave them to where they belong

Because, where we are going has no place for them…

 

My dear inner child,

Let's drop everything going out for a date

Let's stop being a responsible adult for a second

Let's just be silly having some silly laughter

Let me see  what you are really made of...

Because, I 'd like very much to see -

a better world, a more beautiful world 

through your wondrous eyes...

Love💖