Last time I saw
you
was lying in a
home for the last-stage cancer patients.
I hugged you
and sat myself beside the bed holding your hands,
you had
becoming so thin as if only a few bones left...
Trying to cheer
me up,
you showed me
your swollen legs
‘See, some
parts are still fat!’
and you wiped
off the liquid coming out of the swollen feet
trying to joke
again
‘Look, my feet
can sweat!’
I wanted to
laugh with you but tears chocked me...
As if it was
yesterday,
you made me
that delicious Indian curry dish;
As if it was
yesterday,
you were still
enthusiastic about your ‘Herb Garden’ project
and starting
your own company;
As if it was
yesterday,
we were still
planning our pilgrim in India together;
As if it was
yesterday,
we were still
having debates about life and death;
……
It was too
soon,
you are still
too young,
left with
so many unfufilled dreams!
Yesterday I misdialed your mobile,
your voice
recorded for message was still there,
sounded so
familar and so close,
as if you were going
to talk to me in any minute......
My dear friend,
Was it hard to
depart?
Or were you
even mocking at death in the end?
Did your
spiritual strength and awareness help you through?
How is it on
another side?
...
With so
much miseries and corruptions in this world,
Somehow I can’t
tell you which world is better,
Yours or
mine?
Your daughter
told me –
that you passed
away peacefully,
with all the
loved ones around.
I
pictured your spirit dancing in the flame,
rising
ever higher…
The first time
I met you in the summer of 98,
My husband and
I weren’t married yet,
then you
were my boyfriend’s mother’s boyfriends’s son’s girlfriend,
but you called
me directly ' sister-in-law’ anyway.
I was not used
to your straightforwardness,
your loudness,
your bossy-ness,
even your scent
of Indian curry appeared too intimidating…
At the time you
were not aware
that
Confucius hierarchy tradition had made China
and some other
neighbor countries very discriminating societies.
(I am not
saying, Western world is exceptional, but differs a little in degree.)
At the time I
was not full aware of my own judgments
which had been
corrupted as well!
Judgement
equals not discrimination .
if right
judgments derives from our higher noble mind,
it can save
many lives' time of detours and astrays,
so much more
can be focused and accomplished in one short life,
if mind can be used
wisely.
While
discrimination derives
from the wrong
judgments of our lower mind,
mostly being
directly or indirectly influenced
or corrupted by
the society we live in,
from the very
moment we born into this world.
Unfortunately
those imprints left on us causing us actting
unconsciously discriminating
others different from ourselves,
we are trying
to rationalize this kind of crazy division system
from the
race,to skin color, to beliefs, to social status...
which means we
are keeping feeding nutritions to our ugly egos!
And we wonder
why there are so many miseries on earth?!
Why there is no
peace in our mind?!
Sitting in the
dark feeling your departing spirit,
humbly I ask
your forgiveness
for any hurt I
may have caused you by my ignorance;
and at the same
time I want to thank you
for giving me
chance to be your friend;
As I was
getting closer to you,
I got closer to
myself!
You are like
Chinese Pu’er tea,
may taste a bit
too strong,
a bit too
bitter at the first sip,
but soon the
richness,
the
unpretentious fragrance
will be
spreading in the full mouth…
Farewell,
my Indian sister-in-law,
Wait there a
little longer,
We shall meet again......
