I did not know any better

Once I was a meat-lover,

Mum was good at making everything delicious.

Governed by my stomach’s desire

I never questioned nor reflected

till I visited an open food market one day.

I saw the frightened animals stepping on each other in the crowded cage

trying to get away from their doomed miserable fate;

I saw the ducks just being slit open the throat hanging upside down

blood dripping down along their snow-white feather while the body was still twitching;

I saw the butchers counting the money with their bloody hands 

while chattering joking with the customers……

I thought my breath stopped 

yet the whole world around seemed unaware of the ongoing cruelties happening 

just in front of their eyes...

That day I cried like a baby.

I pray for the forgiveness of all the animals

having sacrificed their lives for the desires of my stomach over the years;

and I pray for the forgiveness of myself-

because I did not know any better

Once I had been complaining-

that I did not born into a better family;

that I did not come from a richer and more peaceful country;

that I was not more more beautiful, more intelligent and more healthy;

that I had wrong people in my life;

that life was too hard and too meaningless

……

But I was wrong

I did not understand the intelligence of the universe and its grander plan-

It is always 'I' attract what I need to learn into my life!

As the good people have taught me about love and compassion

so have the difficult people taught me about forgiveness and love;

As the good times have taught me about how to enjoy life and how to be with the flow

so have the hardships helped me to forge my courage and my spirit!

I should be grateful for whatever whoever coming into my life,

Love in such a depth can be so easily misunderstood.

At the time, I did not know any better.

Once I had been adoring-

the elegant people with the refined manner and the beautiful clothing

they seemed to be surrounded forever by the flowers and the beauty

far away from all the ugliness and the miseries

I thought they were the ones having succeed in life 

and they had grasped the secret of the happiness...

I was so wrong!

when I thought my dream was fulfilled;

when I became one of them finally

I began to see the true color behind the beautiful veil;

When I began to see not only with my eyes,

I saw the vanity, greediness and selfishness behind the beautiful façade;

When I began to hear not only with my ears,

I heard the empty resonate from the empty souls...

Everything is not what it seems;

People are not what they say they are;

What I had been chasing was no more than an empty dream-

far from the truth and happiness!

Real beauty is usually hidden in the most plain thing;

Real nobility is usually hidden in the most insignificant action;

Real happiness can never be found from the outer but from the within!

But at the time I did not know any better

Once I had thought-

Life would last forever;

You would be with me forever and forever.

Whenever I opened that door,

I would see your smiling wrinkled face;

I would heard your familiar voice calling my nickname.

You could not read nor write

you could not say beautiful words nor express your feelings

but it did not matter at all-

because when you had hardly enough for yourself,

you still managed to make sure that I had enough;

because when almost the whole world deserted me,

you stayed with me loving me ...

Don't you remember our agreement-

after my university I would find a job 

earning money supporting you and taking care of you instead.

But you did not wait.

I could not even say ‘Goodbye’ to you;

I could not even recall what our last meeting was alike...

My world turned upside down 

I thought I would never be ok again...

But I was wrong-

today I have made peace with your leaving

because I understand better how exactly 

life's impermanence makes our meeting more precious;

and the real bond can never be dissolved even it appears so in the physical realm. 

I no longer have the need to search for the physical evidence of your love,

because I still feel totally loved!

because today, I know better.