There are days I got so drown in my feelings-
feeling Laotzu’s disappointment of humanity
when he rode his donkey disappearing in the west;
Feeling Jesus’s sadness
when he was sentenced to crucifixion by ignorant crowd;
Feeling Gautama’s disgust
when he looked at the drunken bodies scattering cross the floor after
the palace fest;
Feeling Bodhidharma ’s stubbornness
rather in facing an empty wall than facing the unconscious crowd;
……
Feeling those great people were having the same emotional struggles
does not make them any less great but more.
But my heart starts to ache-
when I feel their intelligence being laughed;
their kindness being misused;
their real greatness being misunderstood...
It is sad for whole humanity-
because they DON'T need the world but the world need them!
What's meaning of life?
What's meaning of my life?
Is there life after this life?
Will 'I' continue exits ?
......
I have exhausted myself in seeking for answers from the outer
just to realize I have had all the answers within me already from the very start!
Buddha says:
All the people we meet; all the circumstances ;
and all the happenings in our life are merely
the cause/effect of our accumulated karma over
countless reincarnations...
Today if Buddha/God can grand me another chance to be reborn on earth,
I am not sure if that is what I want that any more.
I am growing tired-
tired of witnessing people living in such unconscious lives day in and
day out;
tired of witnessing goodness being exploited but egocentric behavior
being rewarded;
tired of witnessing human hearts are growing more and more corrupted;
tired of witnessing people constantly arguing like monkeys
and pushing responsibilities to each other instead of really doing
something;
tired of witnessing people fighting and killing each other in the name
of God;
tired of witnessing humans’ foolish and selfish doings are destroying
the earth
and all the living beings on it...
There was ONCE
I really wanted to change the world;
Today my only concern is-
to undo all the changes the world has done to me
to my authentic self...
If this will be my last life on earth,
I do not have much time to waste on wrong people or wrong things-
I can no longer postpone my hope and my redeem to the next life;
I can no longer pretend that I am going to have a second chance;
All the lessons should be learned shall be learned in this lifetime;
All my debts should be paid shall be paid off in this life time;
All my worldly attachments should be dropped shall be dropped in this
lifetime...
If this is my last life,
Will I miss the feeling of wet earth under my barefoot?
If this is my last life,
Will I miss the smell of the freshness in the forest after a good rain?
If this is my last life,
Will I miss the golden rays of the morning sun?
If this is my last life,
Will I miss the soft touches from you
and the love in your eyes?
......
Maybe this is life is all about
where there is ugliness there is beauty;
where there is sadness there is joy;
where there is darkness there is light;
where there is separation there is union!
So fear not, my beloved ones!
there is no real death
there is no real ending
So please wipe off your tears
So please don't hold onto my growing cold body-
celebrate my life and my freedom instead!
If you pay a little attention,
you might feel my spirit is freed dancing-
in that great dance of love
which has no beginning nor ending...
