If this is my last life...

There are days I got so drown in my feelings-

feeling Laotzu’s disappointment of humanity 

when he rode his donkey disappearing in the west;

Feeling Jesus’s sadness 

when he was sentenced to crucifixion by ignorant crowd;

Feeling Gautama’s disgust 

when he looked at the drunken bodies scattering cross the floor after the palace fest;

Feeling Bodhidharma ’s stubbornness

rather in facing an empty wall than facing the unconscious crowd;

……

Feeling those great people were having the same emotional struggles

does not make them any less great but more.

But my heart starts to ache-

when I feel their intelligence being laughed;

their kindness being misused;

their real greatness being misunderstood...

It is sad for whole humanity-

because they DON'T need the world but the world need them!

What's meaning of life?

What's meaning of my life?

Is there life after this life?

Will 'I' continue exits ? 

......

I have exhausted myself in seeking for answers from the outer

just to realize I have had all the answers within me already from the very start!

Buddha says:

All the people we meet; all the circumstances ;

and all the happenings in our life are merely

the cause/effect of our accumulated karma over countless reincarnations...

Today if Buddha/God can grand me another chance to be reborn on earth,

I am not sure if that is what I want that any more.

I am growing tired-

tired of witnessing people living in such unconscious lives day in and day out;

tired of witnessing goodness being exploited but egocentric behavior being rewarded;

tired of witnessing human hearts are growing more and more corrupted;

tired of witnessing people constantly arguing like monkeys

and pushing responsibilities to each other instead of really doing something;

tired of witnessing people fighting and killing each other in the name of God;

tired of witnessing humans’ foolish and selfish doings are destroying the earth 

and all the living beings on it...

There was ONCE

I really wanted to change the world;

Today my only concern is-

to undo all the changes the world has done to me

to my authentic self...

If this will be my last life on earth,

I do not have much time to waste on wrong people or wrong things-

I can no longer postpone my hope and my redeem to the next life;

I can no longer pretend that I am going to have a second chance;

All the lessons should be learned shall be learned in this lifetime;

All my debts should be paid shall be paid off in this life time;

All my worldly attachments should be dropped shall be dropped in this lifetime...

If this is my last life,

Will I miss the feeling of wet earth under my barefoot?

If this is my last life,

Will I miss the smell of the freshness in the forest after a good rain?

If this is my last life,

Will I miss the golden rays of the morning sun?

If this is my last life,

Will I miss the soft touches from you

and the love in your eyes?

......

Maybe this is life is all about

where there is ugliness there is beauty;

where there is sadness there is joy;

where there is darkness there is light;

where there is separation there is union!

So fear not, my beloved ones!

there is no real death

there is no real ending

So please wipe off your tears

So please don't hold onto my growing cold body-

celebrate my life and my freedom instead!

If you pay a little attention,

you might feel my spirit is freed dancing-

in that great dance of love

which has no beginning nor ending...