To My Mom

My mom is a incredible woman

loving, charismatic and courageous

Yet, someone so loving like her

has been taken advantage of her good nature by some;

Yet, someone so charismatic like her

could not have her own dreams fulfilled;

Yet, someone so courageous like her

could not escape from the guilt trips of those so called virtues …

Mom was raised by her parents to be virtuous-

putting family’s needs before her own needs;

Mom was taught by her teachers to be virtuous-

serving the group’s ideas before her own dreams;

Mom was demanded by the communist party to be virtuous-

always ready to sacrifice her personal interests for her country…

Throughout her life -

she has been constantly reminded-

As an individual, in comparison with collectivity,

she is nothing but insignificant and invaluable…

Somehow especially the virtue of sacrifice

has become the major theme of mom’s life -

As she is always ready to sacrifice

her own needs, her own desires, her own dreams,

and even her own happiness,

for her children, for her husband

and for everyone else…...

My beloved mom,

as your blood is running in my veins;

as I feel so connected to you as I have always

with or without words.

Over those years -

I have witnessed many rewards and praises you have received;

Yet it seemed that they have never brought you with real joy…

Even in that uncompromising silence,

I still could sense the deep sorrow within you …

As if, your heart has forgotten how to sing;

As if, your dreams have no longer the wings;

As if, you have forgotten the simple joys of life-

like we used to bend down smelling the flowers by the roadside;

like we used to run around bare feet in the rain like fools;

like we used to lie down on the grass counting the stars…

Since when have you become so consumed

by the very life you loved so dearly once?!

It seems what life has left for you is -

nothing but the endless duties waited to be fulfilled

day in and day out…

Though from those sacrifices you have made,

I have learned what the depth of love can be,

and what unselfish love of a mother can be…

Yet, the thought of your sorrow and unhappiness

has never failed to sadden me every single time;

and has never failed to keep me awake in the dark nights…

I have been keeping wondering -

what’s the point of sacrificing

if it can’t bring joy nor fulfillment into one’s life?!

Just because a virtue is taught by someone,

does it make it more virtuous?

Just because a rule is made by some authority

does it make it more authoritative?

Just because an ideology has been inherited from our ancestors,

does it make it more ethical and more rightful?

……

Have we ever questioned if our limited knowledge can sometimes

also serve as hindrance to our unlimited potentials?

Have we ever questioned if some sound ideologies can sometimes

be used as the most dangerous weapons to some obscure causes?

Have we ever questioned if all those so called virtues can sometimes

lead us astray towards the vicious guilt trips passing from one generation to another?

……

I like what Mahatma Gandhi said-

‘The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer is no real sacrifice.

Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer with a sense of peace and joy.

Thus the Buddha gave up the pleasures of life

because they had become painful burden for him.’

So my dear mom,

Please let me lead you the way this time as you have always done for me;

Please stop paying attention to the guilt programs in your head;

To be happy is every living being’s birthright!

You are the miraculous creation of life;

You are the link to my life and to the life source itself;

You are the link to the past, the present and future;

You are as equal and as precious as anyone else;

Don’t let anyone or anything that tells you otherwise!

If there is no one or nothing can bring the happiness upon you,

then bring it upon yourself-

Honor your own needs and your desires;

Make yourself less available for those joyless sacrifice whatever it may claim;

Make yourself more space for the joy and light streaming into your life…

Even the Buddha has taught us:

'You, as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection! ’

Because, the truth is -

A sad mother will most likely

bring guilt and sadness upon herself and the others around regardless;

While a happy mother will have the real capacity

not only to bring the fulfillment and joy upon herself

but also anyone in her very existence!

As a daughter who loves her mom very much,

she neither need a martyr mom nor a heroic mom,

but desperately need a happy mom !