Judge Not...

 

 

             Sometimes I can’t help myself wondering what it would be like to live all by myself, off grid, in solitude, in silence, turning away from all the noises from this human world… at the same time it feels that my soul has already known the answer somehow – You have done that before in your past lives, don’t you remember…? Yet the soul remembrance of that bitter sweet solitary existence still pulls my heart string at times, especially at those times of feeling disappointed, misunderstood and feeling more lonely in the midst of a crowd than being alone all by myself… because I know how people can judge each other while the birds don't, the trees don''t and the rivers don't…

          I remember in my earlier years, how people tried to warn me by telling me the terrible stories  about the dangerous animals, the dark forests and deep water, and the monstrous evil spirits… that I could be hurt, taken away or even killed by those ferocious visible and invisible creatures if I did not listen to the grownups and follow their guidance for protection…Yet my entire childhood reality has revealed me with different stories – I have never been hurt by any dangerous animals, dark forests nor any evil spirit(on the contrary, may have been saved and protected by the kind spirits which I can tell in another time); On another hand, I have been so hurt by my fellow humans, by their unkind words and careless actions even those who claimed to love me, to protect me yet have wounded me most … Oh, how can people be so judgmental even though they know so little about you?!I wondered and wondered...

…If she is a girl then she can’t be anything more than a good wife or a good mother;

If she has a pretty face then most likely that she doesn’t have much of a brain;

If she looks young and childlike then she can’t be possible wise or be taken seriously;

If she is soft and sensitive then she can’t be possible strong or has what it takes;

If she is playful and lighthearted then either she knows nothing about sorrow or she must be a real fool;

If she likes fashion and enjoys beautiful things then she must be materialistic and she can’t be possible spiritual;

If she is spiritual then she can't be intellectual and probably she is witchy worshipping the devils;

Or, if she is beautiful, good, virtuous and wise then she must be a too-good-to-be-true-bitch there must be  something really evil hidden under her sleeves…

           It has never ceased to amaze me that how people work with their judgments. If they would like, they can find reasons to judge you for being less of them then their egos get little boost; and at the same time they can also find reasons to judge you secretly for being better than them because their egos get intimidated… Do you remember how this kind of ego played out about 2,000 years ago? How the crowd chose Barabbas-a notorious criminal over Jesus for the crucifixion…?! It breaks my heart every time when I think about it – when people made that choice, they actually had chosen their egos over their souls! Because a lesser being satisfied their pathetic egos while the virtue and the light of Jesus reflecting their own darkness and wickedness in comparison which hurt their delusional egos… So be aware, while you are dealing with a man in his/her soul, be kind and loving with your soul to his/her soul; while you dealing with a man in his/her ego, just run away as fast as you can!

         Though as an adult today I can handle judgments much better since I have understood that people’s judgments say much more about themselves than anyone else, but it still can hurt. For many sensitive souls like me, those careless unkind words or unjust actions from the others can cut so deep into our sensitive hearts even causing the long effect of disorientation and fragmentation in our souls which may take a lot of conscious self love and self care work to have those wounds healed…

           As a child, I was too sensitive and emotional for my own good. I could easily pick up the energies around me and especially the emotional energies which this trait was not much of a blessing but more of a curse for me at the time of being a child. So quite often I picked up and mistook other’s emotions as my own, I got sad, angry, frustrated and overwhelmed for no apparent reasons according to the others. For example, once I followed my father to a local open market to buy some meat, Chinese love so called 'fresh and alive' food. As soon as I entered that place, I got immediately overwhelmed with what I saw, heard and smelt... No kidding, I was hearing the screams and cries from those waiting-to-be-slaughtered animals like chickens, ducks, fishes, pigeon and everything else you can imagine… when my eyes laid upon a newly- throat-cut duck being hanged upside down, the fresh red blood flowing down on her white spotless feather, her body was twitching dying while people were standing by laughing exchanging the money stained with her blood… I burst into tears uncontrollably, people stopped wondering what was wrong with me. My father felt so embarrassed and angry at me being such a drama queen in a public place… afterwards my father never took me back to that kind of market again and I gladly not.

           I kinda realized that I may be too sensitive for the environment I was living in, even to my own family which contributed much of the misunderstanding and wrongful judgments towards me. It was hard for me as a vulnerable child even though I can see the bigger picture in all of those today-that I was supposing to channel in some kind of new energy and new way of thinking into an established but stagnated society; that I was made not to fit in but to serve as some kind of catalyst for the old outdated minds; that it was not meant to destroy me but to make me stronger in my own faith; and that I had gone though was not meant to be a punishment from any God but a chosen path of my own soul… of course, it is always easier said than done. We all know, as long as men live in their egos, they don't appreciate a catalyst even it has the great potential to grow them; and they don't like either their darkness and shadows being mirrored back to their faces which they have been trying to hide desperately because the truth can be really uncomfortable at times…

             Looking back at myself, it has taken quite some time to heal my inner child which its nature was very sensitive, intuitive and happy-go-lucky initially but was carelessly and deeply wounded by people especially during my childhood, with all the negative emotional energies I constantly picked up around me, with the overwhelming sense of pain within me caused not only by the physical illness but also by being subjected to the emotional abuses almost on daily basis… I know I should give more credit to myself for the work I have done for me, for that my heart has not become harden because of those negative experiences; that my optimistic attitude for life has not faded away because of those tough experiences; that I have not lost my faith in the Spirit and my soul journey after all those obstacles if not even more strengthened... Because today I can see clearly where I was once before- the very very bottom! I was made to believe that I was the worst daughter, the ugliest, stupidest and the most unlovable girl in the whole world…  and I have even prayed that I would sleep and drift away painlessly without having to wake up the next morning so I could stop being a burden, being an annoyance to people, and so all the pain I felt in my body and in my heart would stop hurting so much…

         Today people are still judging but I have stopped judging myself at least. I try to choose to be joyful and lighthearted as often as possible, not because of being judged as naïve or unrealistic , but simply because I have had enough of sorrow and heaviness in the past; and here I share my personal journey with you, not because I need your attention or recognition, but simply because I know what is like to be in the dark feeling meaningless, helpless and hopeless, and how a few kind inspiring words can sometimes mean so much… Remember, dear souls, if there is no one there giving you a shoulder to lean on, lean on your own spirit for strength instead; if there is no one giving you a hand, give yourself a helping hand instead- be your own best parents if you have to; be your own best friend if you have to; be your own best cheerleader if you have to...

          But please don't turn to anyone or anything(drugs or addictions) which may give you temporary relief but dis-empower you and make you feel more powerless and helpless in the long run; and please don’t spend too long time in sorrow,  in blaming, in negativities or dwelling in the past because your time here is too precious to waste and plus whatever you spend your energies in will persist; Instead, please try to turn your energy and focus inwards – reconnecting with your own soul and reconnecting your soul with the All- knowing and All-powerful Spirit. When you no longer identify yourself as only a limited physical being but as a soul entity, and knowing that you belong to that All knowing and All powerful Spirit family once you align your own individual soul with the Spirit! Imagine that kind of unlimited power- no one and nothing outside of you can truly hurt you unless you allow them. You can have the whole Spirit family with you from your angelic guides, your ancestors guides to your spiritual teams all are standing right behind you and ready to connect with you giving you guidance and support(warning: Just make sure your soul's will is aligned with their good will in order to manifest successfully, otherwise any misusage of divine spiritual power will eventually bring much of karma upon yourself ) ... So stop viewing yourself as a victim under some unfortunate circumstances because you are NOT! You have all the power to change your life, all by yourself! and at any time! If you don’t like what you have become, what you have manifested, you don’t need to die waiting for your next reincarnation to fix something, to restart something new , to change your life. You can do that right NOW, in this lifetime!!!

            In truth, if viewed above from your soul (your higher self) point of view: In order for you to know what a true unconditional love is, you must know what is NOT- by going through the experiences of heartbreaks, false love and conditional ‘love; same with the inner alchemy, in order for you to recognize your own power, your soul would prompt you to manifest the opposite experiences first which is to feel powerless, helpless and hopeless…So seen from the grander scale, everything happened and happens are for us , not against us! If you are willing to change your mind about yourself, the whole game of your holographic manifestation will be changed forever…

         It has been always our mind, our ego mind keeps us trapped in fear, from reaching our highest potentials. When we put ourselves in a box and live out the entire life within that box, defending the stupid honor of being consistent no matter how unhappy and miserable inside…hopefully in the near future, people will embrace more the nature of their souls- the multifaceted-ness and the multidimensional-ness; and people will appreciate more of those who have mastered and integrated the different energies of dualities or multifaceted-ness within them instead of settling with their one or two dimensional existences... Souls don’t have ego, they don't need the medal of consistency. They just want to experience what is like to be feminine and also what is like to be masculine without fearing of being labelled or judged; the souls just want to experience what is like to be a boss and as much as what is like to be childlike; the souls just want to know what the actions are about and as well as what the silence is about… It is we humans who have become rigid and boring, we limit ourselves to certain roles, certain archetype standards, certain codes of behaviors yet deep inside having the knowing that we have limited our own creative potentiality and we have failed to express our souls’ true desires which can cause the sadness and bitterness of unfulfillments inside our souls...As all misery loves company, it is exactly that unfulfilled, unhappy parts of us usually make us so eagerly ready to judge at anyone who dares to live outside of the box, who dare to be happy and free...

        So dear souls, there is time for work and there is a time for play. Put down your usual role for a while; put down your silly ego for a while; put down the judgments for others as well as your own, just feel the warm breeze of a sunny day, smiling at people as if they are your dear old friends, chasing the butterflies and rainbow as if you were a child again… after all, summer is here… Happy Summer!