Love in disguise

Water was flowing downstream humbly in its course, 

or going straight forward; 

or bending around bigger objects…

A big stone at its path started to laugh: ‘ You are such a coward! 

Look at me, so strong and so unbendable!’

Water answered with her silent smile and just kept flowing as she always does- 

or running straight ahead or bending around the big objects…

Many many years has passed. 

That big stone is no longer that big stone. 

The edges have been reshaped and rounded; 

most of it all it has been cut through in the middle by the weak water! …

Thus, the softness has the power of overriding the hardness;

Thus, we shall never underestimate –

the softness has its strength in its ‘weak’ disguise!

Often we are made to believe-

the more we possess whatever they are: house, car, cloth etc.

the more successful we are meant in the other’s eyes;

the happier we will be and the merrier our life will become!

Thus we fill up our house with furnitures, electronic gadgets;

paintings, books , expensive oriental silk carpets

and all the things we think necessary;

Then we spend time polishing our furnitures;

keeping renew on our electronic gadgets;

dusting our paintings and books;

taking care of our expensive oriental silk carpet…

After we have spent so much time and energy in protecting our assets;

they are becoming increasingly more important to us;

and we are becoming more and more afraid of losing them…

So we buy insurance; arrange security system around the house;

hiding the valuables in Swiss bank…

Then our sleep is broken,

because we are too worried that someone might steal them away from us;

Then our peace is disturbed,

because we can't trust people anymore- are they for me or for the wealth?

Don’t you also see how hypocrisy we are?!

Don’t you also see how slaved we have become of our own possessions?! ...

Have we all forgotten the old wisdom saying?!

‘...The usefulness of a cup doesn’t lie in its form,

but in its empty space which holds within...’

As a house need empty space to make a home instead of a staffed warehouse;

As we humans need empty space between each other to keep the peace;

As our mind need empty space for returning to our natural status of creativity…

Thus, emptiness has its wonderful usefulness in disguise!

A mother say to her children:

‘You eat first! I am not hungry.’ even though she is;

A father says to his son:

‘ Take my jacket! I am not cold. ’ even though he shakes like leaves;

Parents say to their grown-up daughter:

‘Go and chase your dream! Don’t worry about us, we will be fine!’

after she has left they wait by the telephone daily

hoping the next call would come from their dearest daughter…

A man who is diagnosed with deadly cancer breaks up with his girlfriend:

‘ I don’t love you anymore. Please leave! ’ 

afterwards he would watch her walking out of his life 

with a total broken heart but also with his full blessings

…...

Have I become more of traditionalist?

Or has the world become more of a stranger place ?...

Today’ love is louder than ever, faster than ever, yet more superficial than ever;

Behind their steamy love, there are filled with egoistic and selfish agendas;

Behind the veil of their love, there are troubled and unhealed souls;

Thus, they are controlling and ‘consuming’ each other in the name of love!

......

I have been searching and I have been touched over and over again

by those insignificant yet significant clues of true love...

they can be so subtle yet so incredible beautiful;

they can be even so vulnerable yet so true to the hearts;

they are indeed real diamonds hidden and disguised in sand!

In life we are naturally drawn towards pleasant people,

and naturally withdraw from the unpleasant people.

As we can learn about kindness from the kind people;

As we can learn about love from the lovable people;

we can learn pretty much about ourselves from the difficult people!

As their existence is served as valuable opportunities for us

-to face our innermost ‘demons’;

-to force us out of our comfort zone;

-to break through from our old thinking pattern or old life style;

-to learn about ourselves and to cultivate our inner strength…

Thus, through tears and sweats of dealing with them-

we may gain the profound learning experiences which we would not otherwise;

Thus, through errors and trials of dealing with them-

we may gain some catalytic revelations which we would not otherwise!

Thus, when we encounter such a nightmare person next time,

Don’t just run away from him/her as fast as you can,

He/she might be your blessing in disguise!

Healing

Some are fleeing desperately from their country and fearing for their safety and their future,

while the others are lying on the comfortable bed concerning about their cold;

Some children are playing barefeet among the fields of blood and the ruins;

while the other children are busy with their 'killing enemy' games demanding for newest Iphone;

Many living on the earth don't even have the access to the fresh air nor the clean water;

while on the other hand we seem to have enough money for the project of man settlement on Mars;

One part of the world is suffering from the scarcity of the food;

while another part of the world is dealing with large food waste on daily basis...

Oh, what a strange world I am living in!

We humans can tell quite a bit about the universe and even the Higgs particle,

yet we are overlooking the mystery of our own existence ;

We humans can tell much about the elections and world economies,

yet we know so little about ourselves and our own centers; 

We humans can tell great deal about the social etiquettes and the holy scripts,

yet we can't stop judging and condemning ourselves;

We humans claim that we love peace and beauty,

yet we are keeping slaughtering animals and destroying the earth; 

We humans regard our intelligence so highly that we can love,

yet we are controlling and hurting each other in the name of love...

Oh, how hypocritical we humans are!

Just as the creations of our known material world is-

the projections of human’s intelligence and creativity;

And so is the restlessness in the world merely projection 

of the restlessness residing within us;

And so is the evil shadowing in the world merely projection

of the darkness residing within us;

And so is the sufferings prevailing in the world merely projection

of the pain we are enduring within us…

Oh, how come we are so blessed yet so cursed!

As we are tempting to end our sufferings

through the sensual indulgences or any other forms of self gratifications,

but the suffering doesn't go away that way, 

even it seemed so temporarily,

instead, more sufferings are being created;

As we are tempting to correct other’s wrongdoings,

but often the wrongdoing has not been corrected that way,

instead,  more wrongdoings are being created;

As if we are arguing about what an elephant is like 

by each touching different parts of the elephant for conclusions,

yet we have forgotten that we all are blind... 

As the Chinese ancient sage Laotzu says:

‘…sometimes doing less is doing more;

When everyone stops doing more,

nothing will be left undone...’

Knowing in my heart- as a seeker

that I should constantly guard my thoughts and my actions,

yet I keep falling back into the old patterns of mine unconsciously ;

Knowing in my heart- as a seeker

that I am more of a spiritual being than a material being,

yet my faith keeps waving between

the convenience of the reality and the inconvenience of the truth;

Knowing in my heart- as a seeker

that everything in this world is changeable and impermanent,

yet I can't let go of my egos and my attachments;

Therefore, 

I keep wandering in this world between the sanity and the insanity;

Therefore,

I keep tumbling between the light and the darkness;

Therefore,

Sorrow and frustrations keep returning upon me like shadows......

Oh, how silly I am!

Watching my own silliness,

Knowing crystal clearly in my heart- as a seeker

there is no way out but to head on facing my own demons!

Come on, my demons!

You (feverish desires), are burning inside me like wild fire,

but I am tired of running away from you-

this time I am going to stay witnessing you vanishing;

You (turbulent emotions), are rising and bursting like fierce volcano,

but I am tired of running away from you-

this time I am going to stay witnessing you fading away;

You ( restless thoughts), are coming like unwanted jumpy monkeys  ,

but I am tired of running away from you-

this time I am going to stay witnessing you disappearing trace-less…

Because, I believe in the end-

everything will gradually fall into its peace;

everything will arrive at a single point of stillness-

at the point of the very stillness housing my pure consciousness!

In that house of stillness,

I have been seeking my refugees time after time;

In that house of stillness,

it lies the inexhaustible healing power for every human being!

As each drop is the making of the vast sea;

So is each individual the making of the totality of humanity;

Thus, each of the healed bears the tremendous power of healing-

to heal the others and to serve the humanity truly!

It can never be done in another way around!

May all the wounded hearts be healed

May all the lost souls be healed

May the suffering humanity be healed

May the weary mother Earth be healed

To Meet with the World of Man

To meet with the world of man

It seems necessary to grow the thorns;

It seems smart to hide tears and vulnerability;

Because, in this world of man –

there are not only 'lambs' but also 'wolves'…

But, I am afraid -

at the day I am about to meet with God myself;

while I am going to surrender all my armors;

Will I have forgotten how to be thorn-less by then?

Will I have forgotten how to be soft and tender?

To meet with the world of man,

It seems necessary to learn the mechanism of this world;

It seems necessary to understand the power of money on men;

After all, this is what man of this world-

has been always worshipping and striving for…

But, I am afraid -

at the day I am about to meet with God myself;

when I have to let go of all my life savings and accumulations;

Will I still be able to feel as rich as the king of the world

even without a penny?

To meet with the world of man,

It seems necessary to understand the complexity of man-

On one side man thinks his intelligence fits to be the master of all the sentient beings;

On another side man can’t even understand nor control his own mind;

Just look around this world of man-

the confused minds are often found the root causes of 

all the makings of the chaos and sufferings…

Thus, I am afraid-

at the day when I am about to meet with God myself,

Will I have understood the very nature of the mind myself by then?

Will I have stopped being a slave of my own mind by then?

To meet with the world of man,

It seems necessary to learn languages, cultures and etiquette,

in order to understand each other;

It seems necessary to invent rules and regulations

in order to keep the orders of the societies;

But, How can man of this world-

really understand each other without even understanding himself?!

How can he NOT get struck in the forms and delusional world created by himself?!

Thus, I am afraid-

at the day I am about to meet with God myself;

when I am witnessing my mind and my withered body falling apart;

when I am witnessing my identity, my knowledge, my love

and all my life achievements dissolving into nothingness;

when there is nothing to hold onto anymore;

Will I be able to feel the joy of returning instead of the sadness of separation?

Will I be able to feel freed and peaceful from the dissolution of my physical prison?   

To meet with the world of man,

It seems difficult not to be mesmerized by all the sensual pleasures filled in our life;

It seems impossible to be indifferent to all the material temptations from all the directions;

Most men get caught up in it falling further and further into unconscious state of living;

A few with awareness are struggling bravely to keep their heads above ;

Fewer have managed to escape and into self-realization and enlightenment…

Because often, man of the world-

forgets that he is both physical being and spiritual being;

and he forgets that his real happiness lies in between

balancing his physical needs but also his spiritual needs...

Thus, I am afraid-

at the day when I am about to meet with God myself,

Will I be able to make myself proud -

While I were enjoying and struggling throughout my physical existence,

my spirit, my soul has NOT been compromised?!

To My Mom

My mom is a incredible woman

loving, charismatic and courageous

Yet, someone so loving like her

has been taken advantage of her good nature by some;

Yet, someone so charismatic like her

could not have her own dreams fulfilled;

Yet, someone so courageous like her

could not escape from the guilt trips of those so called virtues …

Mom was raised by her parents to be virtuous-

putting family’s needs before her own needs;

Mom was taught by her teachers to be virtuous-

serving the group’s ideas before her own dreams;

Mom was demanded by the communist party to be virtuous-

always ready to sacrifice her personal interests for her country…

Throughout her life -

she has been constantly reminded-

As an individual, in comparison with collectivity,

she is nothing but insignificant and invaluable…

Somehow especially the virtue of sacrifice

has become the major theme of mom’s life -

As she is always ready to sacrifice

her own needs, her own desires, her own dreams,

and even her own happiness,

for her children, for her husband

and for everyone else…...

My beloved mom,

as your blood is running in my veins;

as I feel so connected to you as I have always

with or without words.

Over those years -

I have witnessed many rewards and praises you have received;

Yet it seemed that they have never brought you with real joy…

Even in that uncompromising silence,

I still could sense the deep sorrow within you …

As if, your heart has forgotten how to sing;

As if, your dreams have no longer the wings;

As if, you have forgotten the simple joys of life-

like we used to bend down smelling the flowers by the roadside;

like we used to run around bare feet in the rain like fools;

like we used to lie down on the grass counting the stars…

Since when have you become so consumed

by the very life you loved so dearly once?!

It seems what life has left for you is -

nothing but the endless duties waited to be fulfilled

day in and day out…

Though from those sacrifices you have made,

I have learned what the depth of love can be,

and what unselfish love of a mother can be…

Yet, the thought of your sorrow and unhappiness

has never failed to sadden me every single time;

and has never failed to keep me awake in the dark nights…

I have been keeping wondering -

what’s the point of sacrificing

if it can’t bring joy nor fulfillment into one’s life?!

Just because a virtue is taught by someone,

does it make it more virtuous?

Just because a rule is made by some authority

does it make it more authoritative?

Just because an ideology has been inherited from our ancestors,

does it make it more ethical and more rightful?

……

Have we ever questioned if our limited knowledge can sometimes

also serve as hindrance to our unlimited potentials?

Have we ever questioned if some sound ideologies can sometimes

be used as the most dangerous weapons to some obscure causes?

Have we ever questioned if all those so called virtues can sometimes

lead us astray towards the vicious guilt trips passing from one generation to another?

……

I like what Mahatma Gandhi said-

‘The sacrifice which causes sorrow to the doer is no real sacrifice.

Real sacrifice lightens the mind of the doer with a sense of peace and joy.

Thus the Buddha gave up the pleasures of life

because they had become painful burden for him.’

So my dear mom,

Please let me lead you the way this time as you have always done for me;

Please stop paying attention to the guilt programs in your head;

To be happy is every living being’s birthright!

You are the miraculous creation of life;

You are the link to my life and to the life source itself;

You are the link to the past, the present and future;

You are as equal and as precious as anyone else;

Don’t let anyone or anything that tells you otherwise!

If there is no one or nothing can bring the happiness upon you,

then bring it upon yourself-

Honor your own needs and your desires;

Make yourself less available for those joyless sacrifice whatever it may claim;

Make yourself more space for the joy and light streaming into your life…

Even the Buddha has taught us:

'You, as much as anybody in the entire universe,

deserve your love and affection! ’

Because, the truth is -

A sad mother will most likely

bring guilt and sadness upon herself and the others around regardless;

While a happy mother will have the real capacity

not only to bring the fulfillment and joy upon herself

but also anyone in her very existence!

As a daughter who loves her mom very much,

she neither need a martyr mom nor a heroic mom,

but desperately need a happy mom !

House of Souls

Still I have ancient vivid memories of you:

your words are still echoing in my ears;

your passions are still inspiring me forth;

your love is forever warming my heart 

even in the coldest loneliest night…

In the house of souls-

there is no one can understand my deepest longings as you do;

there is no one can know the secrets of all my love and all my sorrow as you do;

there is no one can see through my loneliness and my frustrations as you do;

there is no one can understand my struggle-

between my soaring-free spirit and my bonded physical reality as you do…

But somehow, somewhere,

I got lost in my own astrays and I got separated from you,

I have been longing for getting back to you since-

even it is just for one glance;

even it is just for one touch …

Haven’t you told me once:

‘If you can keep your mind undivided;

If you can keep your thoughts purified;

Out beyond ideas of wrongdoings and right doings,

there is a field,

I shall meet you there.’

thus I have been trying to cross the oceans and the continents-

looking for you,

Yet, I could not find you...

Is it because that I haven’t given up my mind enough?

Is it because that I haven’t purified my thoughts enough?

Haven’t you told me once:

‘when you become no longer interested in arguing and convincing;

when you become attuned towards the serenity of silence;

then I shall meet you there.’

thus I have been meditating on Gibran’s poems and Rumi's dance

desperately looking for the signs of you;

Yet, I could not find you...

Is it because that I haven’t detached from my own ideas enough?

Is it because that I haven’t quietened my senses enough?

Haven’t you told me once:

‘when you have learned gratitude from happiness;

when you have learned humbleness from the pains;

when you have gained the capacity of transforming

any situation into learning experience;

when you have the tenderness preserved in your heart even when you are hurt;

when you have the joy brought to the others even when you are in sorrow…

then I shall meet you there.’

thus I have been waiting for you from the sunrise to the sunset;

from the leaves turning green to brown;

Yet, I could not find you...

Is it because that I haven’t wounded enough?

Is it because that I haven’t learned enough?

Haven’t you told me once:

‘Our love is ancient and eternal;

our love is beyond time and space;

So there is no need to be too concerned about one lifetime’s gains or losses;

So there is no need to be too consumed by others' opinions or conventions;

Instead, focus in living this life true to your self;

Instead , focus in working out your attachments and your karma in this lifetime;

then I shall meet you on another side…’

Or, I have misunderstood you from the start?

Or, I have been looking for you in the wrong places?

Or, I have never really got separated from you?

Or actually, you have been with me all along...?!

Maybe, I can just find you there in my laughs and dances;

Maybe, I can just find you there in my tears and silence;

Maybe, You have been already in my dreams thousands times-

caressing my sorrow and healing my weary heart...

Maybe, in the house of the souls,

there is no you and there is no me,

YOU are ME and I am YOU!