Self Deception

Prague’s evening breeze in May –

was comfortable to the skin and romantic to the heart;

The old gas lighted Charles bridge with the Castle as backdrop

seemed fairytalelike enchanting and alluring…

Sitting at the white clothed table by the river bank

with candled lights and champagne colored roses spreading the sweetness in the air;

Hearing the soft music playing in the background;

Watching the still active moving crowds on the bridge-

and the lights reflected from the bridge glittering beautifully on the water…

The waiters were busy in attending the guests with their sweet smiles;

The smart dressed and well mannered guests were enjoy a perfect Prague evening;

Everything seemed beautiful and harmonious…

Isn’t life wonderful? I could not help feeling a bit hypnotized…

Suddenly some strange sound out of tune arose in the restaurant -

A drunken man managed to get into the restaurant from nowhere!

His clothes looked dirty and shabby;

His eyes were red and his hair looked wild;

His mouth were bubbling something loudly…

In no time security guards came and grabbed his arm,

the poor man seemed confused while being dragged away pretty roughly;

Elegant ladies and gentlemen in the restaurant frowned-

and looked disturbed and disgusted;

Waiters came apologizedly for the unpleasant incident…

After a while everything returned to the normal again

as if that drunken man has never existed!

But I could not -

the food was becoming less tasty;

the bridge was becoming less enchanting;

those beautiful well-mannered people around me

suddenly became hypocritical to my taste;

even the apologetic smiles from the waiters and waitresses

suddenly made them look like poor actors and actresses…

I have had my mind caught in the middle of processing

from feeling sorry for that poor man,

to feeling guilty that I was the one sitting at the table

while he was the one being thrown out;

from trying to justify the situation so I could return to my ‘perfect world’(my own hypocrisy!),

to battling myself to see through the self-deceptions and illusions going on in my own mind!

What had really changed ?

the food was the same;

the Charles bridge was the same;

people were the same;

It was the same ME …

But my whole experience has changed;

and the whole reality of ‘life is wonderful’ has changed into something less wonderful!

It could not be more clear to me-

that it has been always my own mind

which keeps creating different experiences and different realities at different times!

Could this be the root of the human sufferings, the downfall of the humanity-

that we have too little understanding of the nature of our own mind?!

That we fail to understand the duality of the human’s mind–

both lower mind and higher mind are entangled yet difficult to distinguish from;

As the lower mind is manipulative associates closely with the desires and egos,

and easily being led by the impulses from the physical senses;

while the higher mind can neither be manipulated nor deceived-

because it is the higher aspect of our self (soul aspect)

which doesn’t really belong to us yet keeps serving us as divine inspirations 

when we are in tune with our soul purpose!

Unfortunately through the human history-

many times those lower minds have succeed to gain upper hand over the high minds…

This is why Michael Jackson could have attracted more attention than Laotz;

That’s why Amsterdam window girls could have attracted more admirers than Jesus;

That’s why someone like Pewdiepie could even have more followers

than the Gautama Buddha……

At times I am pretty pessimistic about humanity-

because of the understanding of the destructive power within us -

knowing if we allow the impulses from our lower mind dictating us,

our egos will grow bigger;

our desires will grow stronger;

the light of our souls will grow weaker…

the human world will lose its peace and go into chaos…

‘Armageddon’ will not just be a metaphor anymore but

a pretty close prediction according to the patters of humanity development!

But at other times I am also pretty optimistic about humanity-

because of the understanding of the creative power within us-

by understanding the nature of human’s mind:

if our lower mind can be easily manipulated,

why not manipulate it in a more creative and positive way instead?!

(Just like redirecting energy if there is no way to destroy it.)

So if we can choose to BELIEVE regardless our current situations-

that we are abundant even we are not at this moment;

that we are loving and compassionate even we don't feel like that sometimes;

that we are beautiful and wonderful even we have doubts from time to time;

that we are much loved and blessed even that seems not the case right now ... 

Almost miraculously,

things will be moving and changing in accordance with

the degrees of our acceptance toward the new reprogramming in our mind-

because just BELIEVING has its immense power and strength!

Gradually we will believe in more and more in ourselves -

that we have the ability to change ourselves and the world around us;

that we have the power to create any reality as we desire!

You may call it that is the manipulation of the mind-

but to me, that IS a pretty intelligent one!

Mind

As we think, we are;

As we think, we become;

As our mind moves, our outer world manifests;

As our mind stills, our inner world expands.

When we are looking at a butterfly-

are we really looking at the butterfly

or merely at the thought of a butterfly?

When we are doing what we are doing–

are we enjoying what we are doing

or merely because we are expected by the others so?

When we are judging at someone being-
Christian, Buddhist , Jew or Muslim;
black, white or yellow;
left, right or feminist...

is the judgement coming really out of ourselves

or is it merely the collective judgement mimics

because we are merely the products of our social environments ?

When we are angry with our children or partner-

is the anger coming from the real place

or it is merely the auto play of the old patterns programmed

by our own parents earlier? ……

Thus, be aware of the traits of the mind!

Yet, as drugs can either cure us or kill us;

Yet, as money can either be used for good or for bad causes;

So can human mind shift between the heaven and the hell 
just in a split second!

As it is said in Bhagavad-Gita6.6 

'For the one who has conquered the mind,

the mind is the best friend of his;

For the one who has failed to do so,

His very mind will be his greatest enemy.’

   

As the mastery of one’s mind is being progressed,

the cravings in the mind will be gradually lessened or emptied;

the ego-based or fear-based mind will be gradually conquered or totally dropped;

But sadly in this world man-

the businessmen don’t like the mind without cravings- less business;

the powerful men don’t like the mind without fear- less controlling;

Thus, the idea of mastering one’s own mind seems a bad idea to many!

Thus, those who have actually conquered their minds -

have always been unappreciated or misunderstood during their time:

their looks were judged being too ordinary or un-Godlike;

their behavior was criticized being unsophisticated and unrefined;

and their words of truth were too un-smooth to the ears,

too hurtful to those small minds and the big egos!

So those awaken and the wanting-to-be-awakened ones,

Please choose to follow the ones only-

who have dropped all their social masks and have come through the Maya illusions;

Please choose to follow the ones only-

who have mastered their own minds and live by their true nature;

Please choose to follow the ones only-

who can wake you up from your sound sleep and your unconscious existence;

Please choose to follow the ones only-

who have shown you the way yet shy away from any credit from you…

Otherwise it is better to go your own way!

(Instead of falling into another man’s ego traps in the name of whatsoever!)

As the whole world can be reflected in a grain of sand,

So can the highest truth be hidden in the most ordinary things

if we don’t let our mind get in the way!

Here, I recall a little story in Zen Buddhism:

Once an enlightened master was asked about –

what he was going to do after his enlightenment.

He answered:

‘Before the enlightenment,

I chop the wood,

I carry the water;

After the enlightenment,

I chop the wood,

I carry the water…’

His answer has never ceased to bring the smile upon me…

Living with Imperfections

Man consider himself the master of the nature-
he gives names to plants and categorizes them;

he gives different values to different flowers;

he favors orchid over dandelion-

because in his eyes one is less beautiful,

less perfect than another…

While in the world of nature,

each flower and each plant is unique

and perfected in its own right!

Though every man is made in a perfect and unique way,

On the way of growing into a man accepted by the society ,

she/he has been reminded constantly that-

she/he is not good enough;

she/he is not smart enough;

she/he is not handsome/beautiful enough…

Thus, she/he desperately looks for ways

to hide or to destroy her/his imperfections

in order to become the ‘perfect one’ in other’s eyes!

Thus, the cosmetic empires, fashion industries are invented in the need of tempting to fix one's inner lackings;

Thus, plastic surgeries; psychological therapist and priests etc are in great demand as well…

The society of man is not designed for one to feel free and perfect-

because no business, no industry or no religion will be needed

if every man feels great and perfect from inside out!

Thus, I always have great respect for those   

who are resilient towards the collective influences upon her/him;

who can unapologetically be herself/himself,

and comfortable in her/his own imperfections!

As a spiritual seeker,

Knowing myself have been so much conditioned during my own growth –

by my own parents and all the people in my life;

Knowing my way of thinking have been so much stamped and conformed-

with the cultures and ideologies which have been exposed to me;

Knowing this will always be my battle in identifying-

between the ‘collective truth’ and the 'universal truth'!

between the unconsciousness and consciousness!
between the ego self and the higher self(soul aspect)!

between the light and the darkness!

Often those inner battles become more vividly 
and intensified during my meditation sessions,

because there I try to surrender myself to be just a passive watcher-

Watching my own imperfections magnified before me;

Watching my perfect image being torn apart ;

Watching my pathetic ego being shattered into pieces;

Watching my cowardliness tempting to look for excuses;

Watching my anger and guilt boiling in my vein;

Watching me drowning and rising in the sea of my own emotions-

or choked into unconsciousness;

or being brought back by the light and love 
over and over again

……

If it is the imperfection that make a man human,
Why are we so obsessed with the man-made perfections?!

Why do we do this to ourselves?!

Why do we do this to each other?!
Why are we so hopelessly slaved by our pathetic ego
even knowing so much of our pain originated from there?!
......

If we can not even live with our imperfections,

how will we be able to tolerant others’ imperfections?!

If we can’t even accept and love ourselves in totality,

how will we be able to love one another unconditionally?!

Real perfection can’t be made in any artificial ways,

it only happens naturally and effortlessly 
in the presence of LOVE!

So this is not only my battle but yours as well!

Let's stop torturing ourselves and each other;
Let's embrace our imperfections and the other's;
Let's forgive and love;
Let's live with our imperfections 
with faith but without fear!
......

You will be surprised-

we can be so much more human and so much more lovely

just because of those imperfections of ours!

Love in disguise

Water was flowing downstream humbly in its course, 

or going straight forward; 

or bending around bigger objects…

A big stone at its path started to laugh: ‘ You are such a coward! 

Look at me, so strong and so unbendable!’

Water answered with her silent smile and just kept flowing as she always does- 

or running straight ahead or bending around the big objects…

Many many years has passed. 

That big stone is no longer that big stone. 

The edges have been reshaped and rounded; 

most of it all it has been cut through in the middle by the weak water! …

Thus, the softness has the power of overriding the hardness;

Thus, we shall never underestimate –

the softness has its strength in its ‘weak’ disguise!

Often we are made to believe-

the more we possess whatever they are: house, car, cloth etc.

the more successful we are meant in the other’s eyes;

the happier we will be and the merrier our life will become!

Thus we fill up our house with furnitures, electronic gadgets;

paintings, books , expensive oriental silk carpets

and all the things we think necessary;

Then we spend time polishing our furnitures;

keeping renew on our electronic gadgets;

dusting our paintings and books;

taking care of our expensive oriental silk carpet…

After we have spent so much time and energy in protecting our assets;

they are becoming increasingly more important to us;

and we are becoming more and more afraid of losing them…

So we buy insurance; arrange security system around the house;

hiding the valuables in Swiss bank…

Then our sleep is broken,

because we are too worried that someone might steal them away from us;

Then our peace is disturbed,

because we can't trust people anymore- are they for me or for the wealth?

Don’t you also see how hypocrisy we are?!

Don’t you also see how slaved we have become of our own possessions?! ...

Have we all forgotten the old wisdom saying?!

‘...The usefulness of a cup doesn’t lie in its form,

but in its empty space which holds within...’

As a house need empty space to make a home instead of a staffed warehouse;

As we humans need empty space between each other to keep the peace;

As our mind need empty space for returning to our natural status of creativity…

Thus, emptiness has its wonderful usefulness in disguise!

A mother say to her children:

‘You eat first! I am not hungry.’ even though she is;

A father says to his son:

‘ Take my jacket! I am not cold. ’ even though he shakes like leaves;

Parents say to their grown-up daughter:

‘Go and chase your dream! Don’t worry about us, we will be fine!’

after she has left they wait by the telephone daily

hoping the next call would come from their dearest daughter…

A man who is diagnosed with deadly cancer breaks up with his girlfriend:

‘ I don’t love you anymore. Please leave! ’ 

afterwards he would watch her walking out of his life 

with a total broken heart but also with his full blessings

…...

Have I become more of traditionalist?

Or has the world become more of a stranger place ?...

Today’ love is louder than ever, faster than ever, yet more superficial than ever;

Behind their steamy love, there are filled with egoistic and selfish agendas;

Behind the veil of their love, there are troubled and unhealed souls;

Thus, they are controlling and ‘consuming’ each other in the name of love!

......

I have been searching and I have been touched over and over again

by those insignificant yet significant clues of true love...

they can be so subtle yet so incredible beautiful;

they can be even so vulnerable yet so true to the hearts;

they are indeed real diamonds hidden and disguised in sand!

In life we are naturally drawn towards pleasant people,

and naturally withdraw from the unpleasant people.

As we can learn about kindness from the kind people;

As we can learn about love from the lovable people;

we can learn pretty much about ourselves from the difficult people!

As their existence is served as valuable opportunities for us

-to face our innermost ‘demons’;

-to force us out of our comfort zone;

-to break through from our old thinking pattern or old life style;

-to learn about ourselves and to cultivate our inner strength…

Thus, through tears and sweats of dealing with them-

we may gain the profound learning experiences which we would not otherwise;

Thus, through errors and trials of dealing with them-

we may gain some catalytic revelations which we would not otherwise!

Thus, when we encounter such a nightmare person next time,

Don’t just run away from him/her as fast as you can,

He/she might be your blessing in disguise!

Healing

Some are fleeing desperately from their country and fearing for their safety and their future,

while the others are lying on the comfortable bed concerning about their cold;

Some children are playing barefeet among the fields of blood and the ruins;

while the other children are busy with their 'killing enemy' games demanding for newest Iphone;

Many living on the earth don't even have the access to the fresh air nor the clean water;

while on the other hand we seem to have enough money for the project of man settlement on Mars;

One part of the world is suffering from the scarcity of the food;

while another part of the world is dealing with large food waste on daily basis...

Oh, what a strange world I am living in!

We humans can tell quite a bit about the universe and even the Higgs particle,

yet we are overlooking the mystery of our own existence ;

We humans can tell much about the elections and world economies,

yet we know so little about ourselves and our own centers; 

We humans can tell great deal about the social etiquettes and the holy scripts,

yet we can't stop judging and condemning ourselves;

We humans claim that we love peace and beauty,

yet we are keeping slaughtering animals and destroying the earth; 

We humans regard our intelligence so highly that we can love,

yet we are controlling and hurting each other in the name of love...

Oh, how hypocritical we humans are!

Just as the creations of our known material world is-

the projections of human’s intelligence and creativity;

And so is the restlessness in the world merely projection 

of the restlessness residing within us;

And so is the evil shadowing in the world merely projection

of the darkness residing within us;

And so is the sufferings prevailing in the world merely projection

of the pain we are enduring within us…

Oh, how come we are so blessed yet so cursed!

As we are tempting to end our sufferings

through the sensual indulgences or any other forms of self gratifications,

but the suffering doesn't go away that way, 

even it seemed so temporarily,

instead, more sufferings are being created;

As we are tempting to correct other’s wrongdoings,

but often the wrongdoing has not been corrected that way,

instead,  more wrongdoings are being created;

As if we are arguing about what an elephant is like 

by each touching different parts of the elephant for conclusions,

yet we have forgotten that we all are blind... 

As the Chinese ancient sage Laotzu says:

‘…sometimes doing less is doing more;

When everyone stops doing more,

nothing will be left undone...’

Knowing in my heart- as a seeker

that I should constantly guard my thoughts and my actions,

yet I keep falling back into the old patterns of mine unconsciously ;

Knowing in my heart- as a seeker

that I am more of a spiritual being than a material being,

yet my faith keeps waving between

the convenience of the reality and the inconvenience of the truth;

Knowing in my heart- as a seeker

that everything in this world is changeable and impermanent,

yet I can't let go of my egos and my attachments;

Therefore, 

I keep wandering in this world between the sanity and the insanity;

Therefore,

I keep tumbling between the light and the darkness;

Therefore,

Sorrow and frustrations keep returning upon me like shadows......

Oh, how silly I am!

Watching my own silliness,

Knowing crystal clearly in my heart- as a seeker

there is no way out but to head on facing my own demons!

Come on, my demons!

You (feverish desires), are burning inside me like wild fire,

but I am tired of running away from you-

this time I am going to stay witnessing you vanishing;

You (turbulent emotions), are rising and bursting like fierce volcano,

but I am tired of running away from you-

this time I am going to stay witnessing you fading away;

You ( restless thoughts), are coming like unwanted jumpy monkeys  ,

but I am tired of running away from you-

this time I am going to stay witnessing you disappearing trace-less…

Because, I believe in the end-

everything will gradually fall into its peace;

everything will arrive at a single point of stillness-

at the point of the very stillness housing my pure consciousness!

In that house of stillness,

I have been seeking my refugees time after time;

In that house of stillness,

it lies the inexhaustible healing power for every human being!

As each drop is the making of the vast sea;

So is each individual the making of the totality of humanity;

Thus, each of the healed bears the tremendous power of healing-

to heal the others and to serve the humanity truly!

It can never be done in another way around!

May all the wounded hearts be healed

May all the lost souls be healed

May the suffering humanity be healed

May the weary mother Earth be healed