Saturday, October 31, 2020

Sweet Lilac

 


                          

When the sun sets on the horizon

Instead of holding onto its divinely glory

It humbles away for the rising of

the moon

 

When the autumn leaves hit the muddy ground

Instead of weeping for their falling from the tree

They kiss their love to

the earth

 

In this vast universe

In this time and space

We meet

Our souls meet

Our human minds may categorize it-

according to our human social standards

Our souls know yet its sacredness-

in its depth rather than in its length

But, Instead of nurturing and loving each other

Instead of honoring and celebrating each other

What have we done to each other?!

 

In the end of our time

Everything of this world will die and fade away

Except the undying memories of love-

will be forever engraved into our souls-

how our fate was crossed once

how my eyes met with yours

how your smiles met with mine

and how blue sky it was

and how sweet the lilac tasted in the air ….



(Extra notes: A physical meeting has its seasons while a soul meeting has its eternity. When a soul conscious meets with a body conscious, even their bodies are next to each other, their mind/spirit maybe worlds apart; When two bodies recognize each other on its deep soul level, the sense of separation will disappear and the true connection will be felt, in which the souls’ desires to create beauty, harmony and growth with each other on the physical plane will be evoked, only then true peace will be regained among the humans between each other and only then the heaven on earth will be possible… Otherwise we can keep chasing the dreams of our soulmates throughout our entire life yet end up helplessly in karmic relationships and karmic cycles instead… the problem is that we have to become a more of soul conscious being ourselves first before we can even recognize other souls, not mention our soulmates...)




Wednesday, September 30, 2020

Abandonment issue

  

 

           I was asked by a friend to write a few words about the abandonment issue. I felt slightly hesitated because I don't know how far I have come after man years' self healing and if I would still be triggered… but I am going to find out about that soon. 

        I encountered with my own abandonment issue basically head on directly after I was born into this world.  I was wrapped in a piece of sheet and dumped at somewhere by the roadside directly by my grandparents (my father's) simply because I was not a boy as they hoped… so there was I lying by the dusty roadside alone from the morning to the evening...how many people walked passing by me that day, there was no one wanting to have an extra mouth to feed, plus for many I was not only just a girl but also an unhealthy girl( I came out about one month too earlier)… To make the long story short, when my mum finally had me back in her arms, my little pink winkled face looked pale and dehydrated, and it looked like I was crying but sounded almost like a mosquito… I would not have survived much longer like that according to my mum…

         For many years I have been working with releasing my resentments towards my parents for having allowed this happened and for having treated me and hurt me through their unconscious acts and words and for having not given me love and protection which I deserved... but I see things very differently nowadays- in order to understand the pain I must experience the pain myself first, because through my struggle of desiring to heal it and to overcome it, I will gain the knowledge and healing which may benefit whoever crosses my path later on- so it maybe harsh and difficult for our human mind to grasp, but there is divine order in everything if we so choose to have some faith towards the life. It was not a punishment for being where I was but it was my soul's choice- a necessary lesson for my soul's evolution... Withholding this perspective in my mind, the overwhelming resentment I had towards my parents slowly disappeared, I started to understand them and even developed sense of sympathy towards them after all we all easily become the products of our time and our environments unless we consciously fight against it!-  My parents lived in a traumatized period in China which they were subjected to the wars, the hunger, the famine, especially the disastrous 10 year long Culture Revolution which made their entire generation suffered physically, mentally, emotionally greatly- that is why they were described as the lost generation later on. Everything was upside down- all the moral and value systems were collapsed and twisted completely... ‘Red guard’ students denounced their teachers; the children denounced their own parents; everyone was turned against everyone… all the madness  and the distortions had turned their entire generation from authentic to apathetic people, with the incredible sense of indifferences and distrust among people… so in a way, I was abandoned because they were abandoned... Life has its humor ever it is a pretty dark one sometimes.

        But at that time I was too young to understand the depth of things, I thought I was abandoned because I was not valuable enough, good enough. Especially after I having been also sent away to the countryside to live with my grandparents(my mum’s parents) and late on being picked up back to the city to start the school after nearly 6 years away from my parents which basically confirmed my own theory of not being valuable enough and good enough to my own parents…I don't think my parents understood what it was really going on inside their six-year-old daughter that I was not only struggling with the feeling of being a stranger to my parents and my little sister in my own home but also I was struggling with such a sadness and desperation in my heart as if I was standing on a no-man island, no one could hear me cry or scream because no one cared… Besides those years we lived together as a family didn’t change much about how I felt inside, maybe even worse- that cold feeling of the loneliness while being surrounded by people…

         In order to survive, I developed my coping mechanism around people – I learned how to keep my head down; I learned to how to be nice and trouble-free; I learned to put everyone else’s needs before me…so I could receive some crumbs of love and attention... it did not matter if I had nightmares and how I was afraid and sad I learned to wipe off my own tears; padded on my own shoulders; and tried to talk myself out of sadness…I became my own mother, my own father and my own cheer leader… everything I could not express outwards was turned inwards, very much inwards... At that time I couldn't perceive how all those momentums were leading me back to myself and back to the spirit realm…

          I guess it is a bit unusual to have such existential crisis at such a young age. A normal six, seven year old child would be and should be more concerned with his next game or her new dress instead while I was pretty wrapped with the questions like ‘Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? and what is the meaning of life? etc.…’ Though at times this fear of there is no one out there who will be able to truly understand me and love me unconditionally just for who I am and cherish me through the thick and thin could bring the chills to my heart, it did serve its purpose somehow, because otherwise I would not have realized how resilient, strong and how optimistic and hopeful I was regardless what had happened, which make me almost have a such an strong inner conviction about myself-if I could have made though something like this without having my optimistic spirit damaged, nothing else in this world can! Regardless, I believe that this whole childhood trauma of mine somehow has served its purpose of bringing me closer to myself, and to the Spirit...

          Looking back at my life, I can see how certain things have been presented and proved over and over again- whenever I followed my intuition and acted upon it, things would work out effortlessly; whenever I ignored my intuition and acted upon my ego impulses, things would get stuck easily, ended up in failure even disaster... Over the time, I have become more in tune with my intuition- I can discern better with the voice of my spirit guides from the voice of my own ego; and I am better at adjusting my life course according to my inner guidance; and I have developed more trust toward myself and the life itself…which was not the case earlier. I remember the very first time when I told my mum that I thought I had invisible friends like guardian angles who were there talking to me and looking after me... My mum became very uncomfortable with what I said, and she told me firmly not to talk about those ‘nonsense’ to anyone else because I would be at risk of being ridiculed or wrongly judged…and she also explained to me that during her time there were many people who were prosecuted and even killed for their religious beliefs or spiritual practices… So I got afraid and started to be even suspicious about what I had experienced…

         Today I am glad that I have found my way back because the truth is the truth- I can’t deny what I have experienced even though it can be difficult to explain to others. What I have experienced was real for me, which was the communication between me and my spiritual guides / angels for lacking of a better definition for them, and that is enough for me. I am no longer that little girl, I don’t need to explain myself to anyone - what is between me and the Spirit is special and sacred to me and it shall remain so! Because I do believe, everyone can and should establish his/her own unique and sacred relationship directly with the Spirit, with the divine, with God whatever you call it, there is no need for any religion, or priests or spiritual leaders to act as intermedia, it is through your heart portal to your soul, from your soul directly to the Spirit...  which means, just by following your heart, and by connecting with your soul/your authentic self, you will figure out along your journey about your own ways of communicating with the Spirit, with the Divine…that will be something special and sacred created between you and God only, no one or nothing else should be able to take that away from you!

           I believe ever single human on this planet has some sorts of issues- self esteem issues if it is not abandonment issues, or inner child wounds if it is not narcissistic wounds… lists go on because this earth school can be pretty challenging for souls at the times due to the amnesia of the souls upon incarnating into physical beings; and also due to the heavy and distorted mental and emotional energies on earth caused by human’s own contributions… as long as we humans continue to ignore our intuitions and our soul purposes, and continue this amnesialike existences by clinging heavily to the sense and the ego's gratifications, we will not be able to heal ourselves or our mother earth, we will be continue having our wound bonding collectively, with each other, with our past and even our future…unless we relearn to bond with each other through our authentic selves, through unconditional love, through the deeper level of soul connection, we will be forever feeling abandoned and separated from each other, from the universe and from the life itself!

           According to Chinese Medicine philosophy, if we truly want to cure our illness, we have to dig deep to find out the root cause. So we need to be brutal honest with ourselves and be courageous to dive into our issues no matter how hard and how traumatic it has been- Where did the pain originate from- your childhood? Was it physical or emotional, or both? How is this past issue affecting your present life for example, your relationships?... Stop repressing it, stop hiding away and stop judging yourself, just shine the light on your issues, with love and patience, so you can start with your own healing process…It is like gardening, you first have to take away the insects, then you take away the weed so the sun can shine in. After all the preparations, you have to give some time, so the sun can do its magic to make your garden flourish again! During this process, while you developing your compassion for yourself, even for your mistakes and failures, you will automatically develop more compassion for the others, because after all, we are no different from one another- beneath the cloak of the races, the nationalities, the religious beliefs we all have red blood through our veins; we all can shed tears to the pain and burst laughter to the joy…

          There are two types of people in this world: those who view the glass as half full, and those who view the glass half empty. This phenomenon is called perception, and our perceptions profoundly impact how we experience life – so which type would you like to be? We may excuse ourselves if we have been subjected to the abandonment or other abusive issues when we were young and helpless, but it doesn’t give us excuse to continue to live our adult lives under the past spell... So please don’t hold onto your past, please don’t let your past define your future, make peace with your past and move on! Tell yourself: Even the whole world shall abandon you again, you shall never abandon yourself again!!! We need to develop some faith towards the universe-that the universe is not conspiring against us but for us no matter how difficult or absurd to our conceptions at times... Because we have to stop forgetting about that we are the spirits who are having some earthly experiences- we are living in the body but not of it; and we are living in this world but not of it... This is a lonely place to be if we hold onto our old identities of separate physical beings instead of a wonderful place to be, for our souls to experience, to interact with each other because when we are reconnected with soul identities and soul purposes, we will have the feeling of connectedness, unity, and the feeling of the whole universe is behind us… then there will be no more abandonment issues or any kinds of issues but the experiences for the souls’ journey, even a bad experience will no longer considered by the mind as bad but just an experience, an adventure…

             Sometimes I still can hear the Spirit's whispers in my dreams: ‘…my dear child, we have been with you since the dawn of time and we will be with you to the end of time…only if you could see what we see - how powerful and magnificent you are; only if you could know what we know about you- that you are made of nothing else but of the pure love and light; only if you could believe how much you are loved and blessed … you wouldn’t ever need to feel insecure or lonely; you wouldn’t ever need to beg for some crumbs of love …because YOU ARE THAT LOVE…’’

 


 

Thursday, August 27, 2020

Weekend Free Verses

 



*SATURDAY VERSE*

 

Into the deep forest I went

I faced the dangers of snakes and lions

In order to find-

the ancient hidden treasures

 

Into the deep darkness I dived

I risked of losing my mind

In order to discover -

the eternal light within my heart

 

Into the veil of life and death I surrendered

I witnessed my own death (my old self)

In order to retrieval

all the lost pieces of my soul….

                                          



---------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------


*SUNDAY VERSE*

 

People, why are you celebrating your richness?

Don’t you see such a poverty in your soul?!

 

People, why are spending so much time in

 making your face fresh and pretty?

Don’t you see how dusty and ugly 

your inner soul face has become?!

 

People, why are you liking this one 

and hating another one?

Don’t you understand-

an enemy of this lifetime of yours could be

a family member of yours in another lifetime?!

 

People, why are you holding on so tightly

to things and people?

Today is soon becoming yesterday

Yesterdays are soon become the past memories…

 

In the blink of an eye,

The life you have known will be gone

The things you have accumulated will be worthless

The people you have been holding onto 

will not be there with you…

It will be only YOU standing nakedly facing your soul

It will be only YOU answering to your own soul

What are you going to say to your soul then ?….

 

 

 

 

 

 


Tuesday, June 30, 2020

Daisies


  The Spirit whispers to my soul:
‘‘Without speaking a word,
I have loved you.
I alone can truly say ‘I Love you’;
For I loved you before you were born;
My love gives you life and sustains you after the gates of death imprison you where none, 
none even your greatest human love, can reach you…’’ 
                                                                                  -Yogananda



Once she was a little wonderous girl-
filled with the care-free innocence and imaginations
She danced to the rhythm of rain drops;
She whispered her secrets to the natural spirits and fairies;
She walked on the wilder fields barefoot collecting her favorite daisies;
She was too excited to notice the cuts on her legs by those high grasses and thorns;
Because in her mind,
She saw the happiness she was going to bring upon her beloved…
Little did she know about the worldliness of men –
Her daisies were not made of gold-
but of the wilderness of the sun and moon, 
of the wind and rain...
Those worldly and sophisticated men
(though they possessed eyes)
could neither see the beauty in her daisies
Nor could they see the beauty in her heart- 
which was made of real gold...

Once she was a young innocent lady-
filled with beautiful dreams for her future and humanity
She saw the goodness in everyone and everything
She was a natural giver and it made her happy when she could give
So she just kept giving, and giving and giving-
her blood was sucked till the last drop
her bones were chewed till the last crack
She felt being discarded like a piece of garbage
because she had nothing more left to give in the end
Little did she understand the shadows of mankind-
no one would respect her boundaries if she couldn't herself;
no one could make her feel loved if she couldn't herself...

You may say,
This is how life is -Full of light yet full of darkness;
You may say,
This is how people are- full of beauty yet full of ‘bullshit’;
You may say,
This is how things have always been and will be…
But, what are you going to do about it?
Do you want to contribute more light or more darkness to the world?
Do you want to contribute more beauty or more ugliness to the mankind?

She could have chosen hatred and vengeance-
but she knew her soul would be burdened with more karmic debts
even though she may draw some momentary satisfactions from her revenge;
She could have chosen hatred and anger-
but she knew then her heart would be left with less space for love and joy;
She could have chosen self-pity victimhood-
blaming circumstances and others for her misfortunes and failures
but she knew that her willpower would be weakened and her integrity had to be sacrified;
She could have chosen easier or more beneficial way out
but she knew that she would have to dim that divine light within her soul…

So she could NOT have chosen any way other than to surrender to the Spirit
Because she knew too well deep in her soul-
the old and wise soul of hers had known the Spirit for eons 
"My dear child, eventually,
What is made of the matter disolves back to the matter
What is made of the Spirit unites back with the Spirit
You know who you really are...
I have been always with you since the dawn of time
I have never left you or forgotten about you
It was you who have forgotten about me at times
when you got carried away by my manifestations in matters
Whatever happened was not to you but for you
It was never meant to hurt you or punish you
but to awake and to fire up the ultimate desire within you-
to seek for me, to long for me, to come back to me...''

What kind of love is that, so unconditional and so unfading with-stand-of-the-time?!
She had seeked and failed over and over again with the fleeting nature of human love 
just to enable her to find her ultimate fulfillment with the Spirit alone...
She had no choice but to surrender-
all her fears and egos, and all her heart and soul to the Spirit-
the All Seeing, the All knowing Spirit throbbing in every living beings
and in every human heart including her own...
She felt like being given a new life, a lighter version
She felt like a small child again, filled with hopes and dreams  
Night after night,
She no longer dreamed about those dreadful and unfullfilled dreams
but those beautiful dreams-she was wearing the most beautiful daisies on her head
dancing the beautiful eternal dance with the Spirit....




Sunday, May 31, 2020

Inner Child Wounds



Dear Jasmine,

          When I read your letter, I could not hold in my tears, a lot of emotions coming out and washing over me… You told me about your broken family, your traumatic childhood experiences and your troublesome relationships with the opposite sexes today, all seems tied up together... You told me that sometimes you have a feeling of sinking and drowning as if you just can't get your head above the water … I am feeling you, and I know how you feel, not just for the sake of saying but because I have been there myself…

       Not only was I abandoned as soon as I was born into this world( because I was a girl invaluable comparing to a boy, luckily enough my mum found me back in time before I was dehydrated and died on the roadside); Not only was I sent away by my parents to the countryside to live with my grandparents till I was almost 6 years old; Not only was I got constantly caught in between the fights between my parents- feeling sad and guilty for my mother and feeling fearful for my father; Not only was I frequently being subjected to the anger and the verbal abuses by my father – being told over and over again that how worthless , how dreamy and how weird I was ; and being told openly that he preferred my sister because I was nothing like him-''why can't you be normal like your sister, like the other kids? why do you have to be so difficult to have the need to question me and everything?...'' If all of those above had not damaged a little girl’s self worth and self esteem enough; if all of those had not cut my sensitive heart deeply enough; I had been even exposed to violence which my father literally threated me with knife saying to my mum that he would have me killed if my mum was going to leave him…

           Honestly I don’t know how I survived those years, maybe barely. Because though some of the details have slowly faded away but those feelings are  somewhat 'well preserved'... I remember the feeling of how those words cut through me like sharpened knife, and how I bit my lips withholding my tears stubbornly in front of my father and how I fell apart in tears after being left alone;  and I remember too well the twisted feeling in my stomach when it was time to go home after school because I didn’t know what kind of mood my parents would be in then, often I prayed that I would have wings like birds so I could fly away, far far away; and I also remember vividly those nights I woke up from the nightmares weeping and shivering like the falling autumn leaves… Later I understood that I had experienced some symptoms silmiar to PTSD and epilepsy seizures (which I didn’t even know there are medical terms for), but unfortunately the psychological wellbeing was simply not prioritized in those times of food shortage and other livelihood scarcity in China... I became more and more quiet and withdrawn (which probably made my father disliked me even more), at those days quite often my mind got stuck at those big questions about life and death, and the meaning of life etc... During my childhood years, I had near death experiences, twice (people in my home town still talk about them as some kind of miracles). I remember specially one time in the last moment when I thought ‘this is it’- I was very aware that how strangely calm I was , even welcoming in a sense that soon all would be over, and all the pain and sadness would go away…

            It is said that the first 10, 12 years of a child kinda determines his next 50 years. In psychological field it is well known fact that how our earlier relationships with our caregivers have profound impacts on our later adulthood relationships. During a child's earlier ages, he is like a sponge taking in every impression and every emotion from his environment, directly or indirectly. If his parents are conscious of this, they would pay extra attention to him, not only his material needs, but also his mental and emotional needs, because those years are the best time for an adult contributing to shape a child's patterns and templates. If a child has settled with his templates with a lot of emotional imbalances, he probably has to pay huge cost on his later adult life for those imbalances. Thus, I believe for parents, it is wise to invest more love and attention to your children during those earlier years, even which means extra work for you because the later payoff will be huge. If not, the whole world will not be able to make it up later for the hole created within a child by not being able to receive the love he/she deserves ... As John Bradshaw says: ‘ I believe that this neglected, wounded, inner child of the past is the major source of human misery.’ I can’t agree more. Sometimes I wonder, for example, if Adolf Hilter was properly loved by his father, would the history of the Second World War have been rewritten?! 

            This world is filled with the wounded children, even we have a grow up body and much of life experiences; even we have sophisticated manner and a lot of academic knowledge, inside we are still that child- hurt and wounded in some more or less degrees, and this wounded child will keep creating drama and trauma inside and outside of us until we pay attention to her/him and even better- heal her/him. As Thich Nhat Hanh says:' The cry we hear from deep in ourselves comes from the wounded child within. Healing this innerchild's pain is the key to transforming anger, sadness and fear'. But those earlier years’ woundings can be difficult to deal with, due to a child's spongelike receptivity and also his immaturity of being selective, so all the impressions of harshness will be unselectively installed into his brain’s ‘hardware’, which makes more difficult to get rid of. Nevertheless, the woundings can be caused not only by our parents, by our direct and indirect environments, but also through the inheritance. For instance, our parents may have inherited the wounding patterns from their parents, and their parents from their parents, which can be called as ancestral or karmic patterns. Therefore, it is clearly to me that we each should take the responsiblity for our own healing to better our own lives and also the people in our lives, which will not only benefit our ancestral lines by serving as the pattern breaker, but also will benefit our next generation, or even the generations to come! That is what I call- breaking the 'generational curses' indeed! 

           Everybody wants healing- being healed immediately and miraculously.  A few are couragous and ready to dive into themselves, to face their deep seated wounds, shadows head on; even fewer have both the courage and the persistence to go all in and go all through. To be honest with yourself is the first step towards real self healing. Are you ready to be honest with yourself? How many of you parents out there are ready to say something like this to your child ? ‘ Please forgive me, my child, that I got upset with you. In truth you have nothing to do with it. I am projecting my frustration onto you. Please give me some time and space to work out with my frustration. Thank you and I love you…’ With that kind of grace, you will be able to save your child from spending years in tempting to working off those issues related to abandonment, neglect or unloved, or seeking confusedly for love and validations from wrong people and places in his/her later adulthood years…

          In your case, Jasmine, I think it is time to examine your life honestly and objectivly, for example, your childhood woundings, your relationship patterns, even your thought and emotional patterns in order to seek for the clarity of the root cause of your problem- Could it be all related to your inner child woundings? It is known in psychology that people can easily mistake the attraction of love with the attraction of familiarity. Could that be the underlying reason that you were attracted to the guys who are similar to your father- cold and distant? and you thought if you could work a little harder, be a bit more loving and compassionate towards your partner, maybe then he would see your value and love you back, just as once you were that little girl who was 'begging for' love and attention from your father but could not receive? Could you still be holding the guilty that you were the cause of not being loved because you were not pretty enough, not smart enough, not trying harder enough?! Are you still living and experiencing your relationship today through those woundings?... If that is the case, it is time to do your healing work by intentionaly bringing those buried wounds from your subconscious level to conscious level for healing, otherwise you will most likely repeat the similar dynamics with the others instead with your father! By diving into your inner child and healing those wounds, you will become more conscious of  your own negative patterns as well as the wounding patterns in others which will enable you to make better judgements and choices in the future ... But you have to remember one thing, even you find your greatest human lover one day, he/she will not be able to be there with you all the way, for example, at moment of your death, it will be you with you all the way, as always! So in the end, in this lifetime of yours, the most important relationship you will ever have is with yourself! So, please be kind to yourself and make you your top priority- You matter and your happiness matter. Heal any wounds within you because you don't want to let your past standing in the way of your future happiness, do you?

         Inner Child Healing work takes courage because it can be intimidating and overwhelming at times as if you have just opened a devil's pandora box, falling into an abyss of darkness; and it also takes commitment because whenever you think you have done with your healing, there will be something or someone who will trigger you again and remind you again that your work is not over yet which can be frustrating at times... but it does not mean your healing work has not worked but simply means that there may  be more layers within layers of the wounding issues buried within your subconscious resurfacing and seeking ways to come up to your conscious level for releasing and healing... I know too well those ups and downs from my own healing experiences. Even though I was a broken child, but there was always a spark of flame persistently remaining deep inside my soul keeping burning ... My healing journey is far from over yet, but I have  seen the light regardless of all the darkness and demons(inside and outside of me); I have seen the silver lining beneath all my past pain and trauma; I have even recognize the blessings in disguises because I have been witnessing my own transformations and my 'rebirth' along this journey(maybe it is exact the chosen path of my soul for this incarnation of mine); and I have come to the better understanding how pain and suffering have their great potentials for profound transformations and deep soul purification; and I have finally come to the term with myself - I may not have had the best childhood, but those past experiences have made me a more confident, more resilient, more appreciative and more conscious woman as I am today ...

        Ironically enough, people often assume that I am a lucky person, that it seems that I have everything handed to me without much of struggle; that I must have come from a stable, loving even privileged family when the carefree, bubbly side of my personality comes out- sometimes people can be so wrong. When people tried to acquire a little deeper into my past, quite often they reacted surprised, even in some degree of disbelief as if I were telling them a joke-maybe I expressed too lightheartedly; maybe simply because people see what they want to see - they have already fixed perceptions in their mind what tragedy should sound like, and what a traumatized person should look like  … Nowadays I am neither interested in hiding my past nor interested in explaining myself. But of course, I certainly find some comforts in knowing that probably I am not projecting that tragic victimhood version of me-the version of a wounded inner child any more; and I also find some comforts in how I have managed to rebuild myself, piece by piece… Because, I can see today, even the forgiveness is possible which I thought earlier 'never, ever'! In my father’s case, I don’t think that I want to live under the same roof with my father ever again, but I have found the way in my heart to forgive him, because I have understood that he had his own inner child wounds and the wounds passed onto him from his parents, he projected those wounds upon me which was of course not right- but he was unconscious and he did not know any better...  I guess in the end, forgiveness is not for the sake of others but my own inner peace… So my friend, just trust the process unfolding naturally, there is no need to hurry or force things, all is well.

          Dear Jasmine, sharing my story with you is not meant to compare who had it worse, but to help you see your situation from other perspectives: That there is always someone out there who may have had it worse than us ; that if I have managed to get most out of it without subjecting myself to any drug abuse nor victim junkies, so can you! You can start with an open dialogue with yourself first, and try to be as open, honest as possible something like: ‘My dearest inner child, I am sorry for having disappointed and ignored you; I am sorry for not being there holding you and comforting you when you were sad; I am sorry for not being able to protect you and stand up for you when you were hurt… I am asking for your forgiveness…From now on, I will be here for you, to protect you and to love you regardless how the others say or think about you... You will have me from now on!...’ This type of affirmations have been helpful for me, you can try it. Because it is never too later to change, to restart one's life, even means to start from the scratch! So even though we were not mothered properly, we can mother our own inner child now; even though we were not fathered properly, we can father our own inner child now; even though once we were from broken homes, we can start to rebuild a new home for ourselves now, for this child living inside us, brick by brick, with love and attention which she/he really deserves ... In life, there are times to surrender, there are times to fight. Now this is time for us to fight for our own inner child- she/he has been so wounded by this world! Trust me, this inner child of yours holds the very key to your future's wellbeing-emotionally, mentally and even spiritually. One day, you will be surprised when you look back at your own healing journey- that at some point you have become the love you never had; and you have become your own safe home you never had!!

      Our inner child is the very essence of us, she is hidden in the beats of our heart; she is the child of the universe, an eternal child-fearless and forever joyful; she is the door way from our soul to the Spirit, to the Divine. By healing the wounds of our inner child, we will feel more connected with people and other sentient beings in a more meaniful way, and also more connected with the earth, the sun, the stars even the whole universe at large; and furthermore we will be able to reawake our playful and joyful nature, which will enable us to be freed from the bondage of our past, and will further us to love fearlessly and trust fully again... The more our innerchild wounds are healed the more we will feel relieved from all the burdens the society has laid upon us and we will be more amazed by the opening up the possibilities of anything and everything which life is unfolding before our eyes... As Paulo Coelho says: ‘‘Hold the hand of the child that lives in your soul, for this child, nothing is impossible.’ When this child is healed, she/he will want to come out playing with us more and more often, and she/he will show us all the magic in life, in every moment, in every sunray and in every raindrop which too often we grown ups have forgotten.... So when we decide to live through her/his eyes, we will be reawakened and rejoiced by all the beauty and all the magic around us and within us...... In there you shall find your peace, my friend. 


With Love,

Sophia




Thursday, April 30, 2020

Question about Religion




“… I was baptized Christian when I was only two months old. I go to Sunday church often with my parents but I don’t feel a real connection with Christianity,  for me it is all about tradition… I have read the Bible, but the words felt so outdate, boring and even difficult to understand at times (though I consider myself well educated)… also I tried to find more information from the internt attempting to decifer what Christianity is all about, but failed. There are so much of 'mumble jumble' out there in the social media which have made me feel more confused than ever … Could you please give me some insight about this religion thing? Are there any real substances in the religious beliefs? Or is it all just a big fat lie? ...’


      You told me that your parents are devoted Christian, but it doesn’t necessarily make you a devotee by default too.  You shouldn’t feel guilty or shamed if you are not a believer or a believer of something else.  In my opinion, there is something pretty depressing with our human society- Metaphorically speaking, as if we were born eagles, soaring sky should be our innate nature. But we are being gradually ‘nurtured’ into believing that we are just ordinary chickens who are bounded to the herds and bounded to the ground helplessly, soaring sky is just somewhat silly dream… So who has cut away our wings?! What has taken away our dreams?!...

     We shall never forget, that we are spiritual beings who are having physical experiences, instead we are physical beings who are having spiritual experiences sometimes. Spirituality is a divine gift bestowed upon every soul- the spiritual connection to the Most High, to the Universe and to each other... It is coded in our soul remembrance waiting to be activated. Spirituality does not originated from any religion but originated directly from our soul. Religions are merely the materialized forms of spirituality, as being said, souls’ expressions. As I see it, soul’s freedom to express is primary, the forms in religion or other spiritual practices are secondary. When human’s ego sets in, things can be turned upside down- Being a free spirited soul incarnated on earth, yet does not have the freedom to express its divine nature due to all forms of man-made suppressions and manipulations, how frustrating is that?! how tragic is that?!

     Thus in my opinion, religious preferences should not be passed on from parents to children like some kind of inheritance. Children at their younger ages should be encouraged to have an open mind towards different religions and spiritual practices(which will probably help to reduce the religion related prejudices and fanaticism), then the children should be given total freedom to choose what to believe or not to believe, as long as it is resonated with their heart and harmonized with their own chosen path, it should be accepted and respected by both the parents and the society. Otherwise, this whole religion thing, without this fundamental freedom of choosing of its own soul expression, would be totally pointless and meaningless! Sometimes I don’t understand the rigidities in people, why would it be so wrong that parents are Christian and their child Buddhist or Muslim?! If God loves all His/Her creations, every human, every animal, every leaf, every sun ray… and God brought us all together here so we souls in human forms can experience both the richness of diversities of life given by Him/Her, and the greatness of unity consciouness in all things bonded by Him/Her… but what is within us which make us feel the need to separate ourselves from everyone and everything else, in the excuses of different skin colors, in the excuses of different beliefs, even in the excuses of God's name?!...

       You expressed that there are so many contradictory information and theories out there, you don’t know what to believe … I share your concern and frustration, because it is not easy any more to discern the truthfulness of an information since many false and manipulated information in the social media has already become one of today's new norms. I can share with you my view but you need to keep in mind:Truth is subjective term with human conditionings, what I have accepted as my truth may not be your truth.

        Just as an example, you were made Christian outwardly, but what does that mean to you inwardly? What would you like to believe?What is your inner voice? Old Testament or New Testament? Are those four offically chosen Gospels in the Bible by the Roman emperor Constantine’s council appealing to you ? Or, the esoteric  Gospel of Thomas and other early Christian Gnostic manuscripts discovered near Nag Hammadi in 1945 may be more satisfying to your soul's thirst? Which version of Jesus's teaching resonates more with your heart and soul? ... I know it is tricky, but your own soul is your best guiding light, so make friend with yourself, your innerest self! Don't you ever think as it is said in the Bible ' ...Ask and it will be given to you; Seek and you will find' without hard work! The path you choose will be yours, whatever you choose to accept into you mind/heart will eventually become you, so do choose carefully and wisely…

        Have you heard about the ‘Killing Buddha’ story? In the ninth century a fierce and uncompromising Zen master Linji said to his disciples: ‘If you meet the Buddha on the road, kill him.’ What an insult to the great Buddha, many were angered! But I don’t think an enlightened being like Gautam Buddha would mind being ‘killed’ by Linji, metaphorically speaking of course, instead I think he would be happy that finally someone like Master Linji understood the essence of his teaching instead of turning him into a religious festish, just for the sake of worship… because Buddha taught his disciples the same thing: ‘Believe nothing, no matter where you read, or who has said, not even if I have said it, unless it agrees with your own reason and your own common sense.’

       You see, those are the great egoless masters, the real enlightened beings! Regardless whether they were from the East or the West; Regardless whether they lived in the ancient times or in the new modern eras; Regardless how differently they may have appeared to people; they all are different yet the same, their consciousness are vibrating on the same level- you may call it Christ consciousness or Cosmic consciousness. Therefore despite of all the differences from the outer looks, their core messages and their essential teachings are identical- all about unity consciousness; all about self-mastery of body, mind and spirit; all about self-healing and self empowerment; all about transformation; all about freedom and unconditional love… because that is universal truth, that is what I have accepted as my own truth as well-the only truth! Thus any religion creates separation among people instead of unifying people can not be my religion; Any spiritual guru can’t inspire people to be freer and more empowered in themselves, and less depended on even his/her guruship can’t be my guru; Any holy man make people more fearful and sinful, more of 'chickens' instead of 'eagles' can not owe its  holiness in my heart; … So this is my chosen version of truth, what is yours?... Good Luck with your seeking!






*(P.S. Question has been slightly edited for the protection of its privacy.)

Tuesday, March 31, 2020

Questions


  

       I am going to take some time to answer some of my readers’ questions. It is not possible for me to answer to everyone with every question. Names are anonymous here for the protection of privacy. I may answer your questions in a longer or a shorter fashion, which has nothing do with my opinion of the importance of the question, simply because I prefer to work with letting the words occurring to me in a more nature manner than a more forceful manner.  Sometimes maybe few words are more than enough, so why ‘painting some extra legs to a snake’, just for the sake of painting?! I don't want to do that.


Question:"...Recently I was called ‘Chinese virus’ by a man in a grocery shop due to my Asian look even though I have never lived in China. This incident made me very upset and even started to feel afraid to go out… it seems people filled with fear and hatred…”   

            I am sorry to hear about your incident. We all fear at times. Fear can bring out many negative and shadow sides even the worst within us. It seems that there is little we can change how the world is, how the people are. But at least there is much space to change our ways and reactions to the people and the world around us. Like the sun, though it doesn’t receive gratitude from us, but it shines on us anyway. Try to focus less on the darkness of the others but more on the light of yours; Try to focus less on re-living the past but more in the present…There is a well known Buddhist parable about two monks:

A senior monk and a junior monk were travelling together. At one point, they came to a river with a strong current. As the monk were preparing to cross the river, they saw a very young and beautiful woman also attempting to cross. The young woman asked if they could help her cross to the other side. The two monks glanced at one another because they had take vows not to touch a woman. Then, without a word, the older monk picked up the woman, carried her across the river, placed her gently on the other side, and carried on his journey. The younger monk could not believe what had just happened. After rejoining his companion, he was speechless, and a hour passed without a word between them. Two more hours passed, then three, finally the younger monk could not contain himself any longer, and blurted out ”As monks, we are not permitted to touch woman, how could you then carry that woman on your shoulders?’’ The older monk looked at him and replied‘Brother, I set her down on the other side of the river, why are you still carrying her? ’’

You see, it is time for you to put down that man who has upset you as well, why are you still carrying him around?! Putting down does not mean that you should be passively swallow and tolerant other’s bullshit. I highly respect Jesus’s teachings about compassion and non-violence, but ‘ turning the other cheek’ is not really my thing even though I understand his concern about our human’s ability of defending ourselves in certain justice manners without jeopardizing unnecessary negative karma upon ourselves…because for souls, karma is real thing. Whoever has done you wrong, whatever  the wrongdoings, big or small, are registered in his/her akashic soul records unmistakably and inescapably. Though I don't believe there is a wrathful God who will judge your deeds and sentence you to some horrifying hells to repent accordingly, it is more likely your own soul will be seeking for justice, to right the wrongs, in your next incarnation, or the one after and after. Your soul would like to be incarnated in a position of being bullied in this case, so enable the lesson to be learned by feeling and understanding what is like to be bullied in order to balance out the karmic scales…So please have some faith, even though you don’t see the immediate justice done at this very moment, but believe in your soul that justice will be served always , in one form or another!

So ‘turning the other cheek’ if you feel like; So stand up and defend yourself if you feel like, but don't seek revenge. Keep your karma clean, let the Universe balance out those energies... Whatever it has happened, or could have, should have or shouldn't have happened are the past tenses now, so it is time for you to let it go just like that senior monk- when it is done, leave it be done!




Question: "...I think I am having middle age crisis right now. I feel that I have not accomplished anything, not specially successful in my career, not have enough money in my bank account… my life seems so ordinary and insignificant comparing to others …it is very depressing…”

               What is the success to you- money? wealth? status? a happy family? good friends?...  For some, having one is enough to make them feel successful and satisfied; For others, having it all is not enough to make them feel successful and satisfied. So what is your idea of success? And are you sure that is really your own idea? You see, how illusory those are already in comparison with one another, which indicates there is no definite definition of success,  All the thoughts, ideas, concepts belong to the mental world, they come and go like the passing clouds. Unfortunately, today most people live in their mind due to the one-sided promotions of mental ability in almost all the established school systems. Those ideas become crystalized and solidified by the mental projections from our minds through exercising the constant competitions, comparisons and giving each other the validations, so they appear so real to our ego mind, but they are nothing but purely rubbish and delusional to our souls. Your soul did not come here for the purpose of being successful, of being rich and famous, because it knows too well how all the glamour, all the fame and all the successes are nothing but mirages in the moment of physical death, even the greatness of leaving one’s name in the history book means nothing to your soul! Because your soul doesn't bond to the earthly, three dimensional exsitence, it is your physical body together with your ego mind is bonded to this 'reality' as the only reality you have known ,your soul knows the truth, so are the other souls - 'we are neither our mind or our success''. But of course the game goes on as long as ego goes on, but you don't have to play along with the game! Measure your success not by what it may look to the others nor what the others may expect of you but solely by how happy and how free you feel... Because, in the end your soul concerns only for its authentic experiences and expressions through its physical vessel – good or bad, success or failure all has its experimental value to your soul’s journey! So stop listening to the outer world there how you should be successful(3D concepts) instead of listening to the deep calling of your soul before it is too late- you are here simply for some rides, so do enjoy the rides!