Meeting with Rumi

Four years I have lived in Istanbul-

I have seen the magnificent Sultan’s Palaces;

I have seen the impressive remains from the great Byzantine and Ottoman empires;

I have seen the forever bustling Grand Bazaar traced from the ancient Silk Road;

I have dined by the Bosphorus sipping wine hypnotized by the alluring belly dancers;

and I have ridden through this amazing ancient Anatolian land many times

……

But I have missed Rumi- Jala-AL-Din Rumi !

Rumi was a mystery-

He lived his life beyond any man’s definition;

He lived his life like a song, like a dance…

When the great empires fell in its ruins;

When the Sultan’s harem was fading away;

When Alexander the Great is forgotten…

Rumi is still alive!

He lives in the mystical Sufi music;

He lives in the whirling devish dance;

He lives in the hearts and spirits of his people…

He speaks to me- ‘What you seek is seeking you’

Then I understood that I was destined to miss Rumi -

because at the time I was seeking outside NOT inside!

Human’s life can be lived in such different depths and layers.

Lovers are lying together fresh against fresh,

but what is the deepest longing in their hearts,

eventually will set their minds thousand miles apart!

Are you secretly seeking Sultan’s harem in your mind?

Or is your heart secretly drawn towards the mystery of life itself?

In the mist of all the craziness and happenings of this world;

In the mist of all the temptations and desires of the human mind;

It is not easy to keep a pure heart;

It is not easy to keep one’s mind uncontaminated;

It is not easy to hold one’s spirit high...

But at least we can follow the footsteps of the Wise,

because they had been where we are-

‘ ‘Yesterday I was clever,

So I wanted to changed the world;

Today I am wise,

So I am changing myself.’’

So  please stop pointing your finger at others;

When you start changing yourself,

the world around you will be changed…

Here I am back to Istanbul!

Sitting again by the bank of the Bosphorus;

Gazing the blue water glittering like thousands pieces of mirrors

dancing with the sunlight…

Everything seems so familiar and unchanged,

but I know deep inside that nothing is unchanged-

I am no longer the same…

Once I had seeked and gained my beautiful identity-

the world applauded for me

while I felt drifting away from myself;

Now I am undoing my identity façade -

the world seems drifting away from me this time

while I have myself found!!!

As Rumi says:

‘‘Go find yourself first,

then you can also find me

..there is a field beyond the doings of right or wrong..

I shall meet you there...’’

Maybe that is why I keep returning ,

because there I have a date with Rumi !

To my Indian sister-in-law

Last time I saw you

was lying in a home for the last-stage cancer patients.

I hugged you and sat myself beside the bed holding your hands,

you had becoming so thin as if only a few bones left...

Trying to cheer me up,

you showed me your swollen legs

‘See, some parts are still fat!’

and you wiped off the liquid coming out of the swollen feet

trying to joke again

‘Look, my feet can sweat!’

I wanted to laugh with you but tears chocked me...

As if it was yesterday,

you made me that delicious Indian curry dish;

As if it was yesterday,

you were still enthusiastic about your ‘Herb Garden’ project 

and starting your own company;

As if it was yesterday,

we were still planning our pilgrim in India together;

As if it was yesterday,

we were still having debates about life and death;

……

It was too soon, 

you are still too young,

 left with so many unfufilled dreams!

Yesterday I misdialed your mobile,

your voice recorded for message was still there,

sounded so familar and so close,

as if you were going to talk to me in any minute......

My dear friend,

Was it hard to depart?

Or were you even mocking at death in the end?

Did your spiritual strength and awareness help you through?

How is it on another side?

...

 With so much miseries and corruptions in this world,

Somehow I can’t tell you which world is better,

 Yours or mine?

Your daughter told me –

that you passed away peacefully,

with all the loved ones around.

 I pictured your spirit dancing in the flame,

 rising ever higher…

The first time I met you in the summer of 98,

My husband and I weren’t married yet,

 then you were my boyfriend’s mother’s boyfriends’s son’s girlfriend,

but you called me directly ' sister-in-law’ anyway.

I was not used to your straightforwardness, 

your loudness, your bossy-ness,

even your scent of Indian curry appeared too intimidating…

At the time you were not aware

 that Confucius hierarchy tradition had made China

and some other neighbor countries very discriminating societies.

(I am not saying, Western world is exceptional, but differs a little in degree.)

At the time I was not full aware of my own judgments 

which had been corrupted as well!

Judgement equals not discrimination .

if right judgments derives from our higher noble mind,

it can save many lives' time of detours and astrays,

so much more can be focused and accomplished in one short life,

if mind can be used wisely.

While discrimination derives 

from the wrong judgments of our lower mind,

mostly being directly or indirectly influenced 

or corrupted by the society we live in,

from the very moment we born into this world.

Unfortunately those imprints left on us causing us actting

 unconsciously discriminating others different from ourselves,

we are trying to rationalize this kind of crazy division system

 from the race,to skin color, to beliefs, to social status...

which means we are keeping feeding nutritions to our ugly egos!

And we wonder why there are so many miseries on earth?!

Why there is no peace in our mind?!

Sitting in the dark feeling your departing spirit,

humbly I ask your forgiveness 

for any hurt I may have caused you by my ignorance;

and at the same time I want to thank you

for giving me chance to be your friend;

As I was getting closer to you, 

I got closer to myself!

You are like Chinese Pu’er tea,

may taste a bit too strong, 

a bit too bitter at the first sip,

but soon the richness, 

the unpretentious fragrance

 will be spreading in the full mouth…

 Farewell, my Indian sister-in-law,

Wait there a little longer,

We shall meet again......

Heaven, Earth & Man

Man is exploiting the earth for temporary gains…

Never before in human history-

has man been so capable of ravaging the earth,

so capable of altering the nature balance…

While man has his illusion of the fast developments in his modern times;

While man has his illusion of having the nature conquered;

the beautiful lake around his house is getting dirtier and stinker;

the fish from the lake served on the dinner table is making him and his family sick;

his children are drinking ‘fresh’ water and breathing the ‘clean’ air;

and his home and his cows are at risk of being flooded away caused by his own selfish doings;

……

Often I wonder:

What is the cost of our modern way of living?!

 What’s the price shall our children pay?

What’s the price shall their children and their chilren's children pay?...

Man is trapped in his own perception of reality-

dwelling in the existence of his physical and sensual senses,

desperately trying to preserve his face and his body younger,

desperately trying to hold on to his petty life a little longer…

Man was created LARGE but most have lived SMALL!

 underneath his fashionable package,

 lies a trembling fearful being-

his heart is cold like deadfish without warmth;

his spirit is dull like ashes without spark;

…...

Often I wonder:

When will we come to understand -

 A healthy spirit, a positive mind 

are the prerequisite to a healthy physical body,

but another way around?!

Man is desperately looking for happiness,

dreaming about something or someone else to rescue him out of his miseries;

 he mistakes temporary sensual pleasures and excitements as happiness,

 he gets confused by the overwhelming bitter taste

and the emptier shallow feeling risen in his heart afterwards;

he ventures outwards for higher stimulations instead of self reflection,

restlessly chasing  his so called happiness in vain.

…

Often I wonder:

How can we get out of this vicious cycle created by our own minds?

When will we be able to wake up remembering our divine nature?

When will we be able to reconnect to our noble spirit?...

Real joy and inner peace will never  return to us

if we don’t allow ourselves

‘Simply being ’ instead of  ‘Trying to be( someone else)’-

because life itself always favors originality though society favors more edited copies

(for better control or for better use... ?).

Man is exploiting each other and being exploited by each other,

for money, for power, for all kinds of selfishness…

thus man’s souls have been wounded by each other,

 by all kinds of stupid ideologies created by man himself.

Man has deep wounds suppressed in his deep consciousness,

breeding vengeance, hatred and other negative emotions,

ready to surf up to express in pain and destruction once in power…

Just as a wounded man can bring out negativity in others,

can cause pain and sufferings in others consciously or unconsciously;

So is a totally healed man can be the light and the inspiration to heal others!

Love heals.

Only the healed heart knows real love and grace;

only the healed heart can relate to all the other living beings,

no matter how small how insignificant they are;

Otherwise we will pass on our wounds to our children, them to their children,

just like viruses spreading among the families, among the friends,

further to our neighborhoods, to our country, to our world…

Atlantis the lost empire is not merely a legendary tale,

it is a solemn warning of man’s path of corruption and self destruction!

A Brave Fish

Last night I dreamed about a fish

 swimming in the vast blue sea,

that is their home, their whole life,

their whole universe is about the ocean,

nothing more, nothing above, nothing beyond;

One day a brave fish managed to take leap jump,

he saw the land, animals and people…

he saw another world beyond the ocean!

with great excitement 

he tried to explain to other fish,

no one believed him,

this brave fish became a laughingstock,

of being foolish and mad…

I woke up wondering:

Are we just like fish…

have lived our life small like the fish,

and have repeated in aeons of time,

without awareness of anything beyond …?!

What is the truth of life?

Is life simple an illusion?

Are we capable of going beyond 

our three dimensional world

with the limitation of

 our three dimensional mind?

I guess unless each of us 

also take a greater leap jump 

just like that brave fish in my dream

and see for our own eyes,

truth will remain unknown

......

Preface

Here starts my new journey :

The sun seems the same but it is not;

 the moon seems the same but it is not;

 I am a new-born bird -

who has just learned to fly... 

Out in the unknown, 

there is darkness;

 there is storm; 

and there are hunters coming at my way...

 I have to keep flying -

though my wings are not strong yet, 

but I know that there is no real place to hide; 

there is no point of going backwards; 

and most of all,

 the brilliant white light ahead is haunting me......