Once I was a beggar

Once I was a beggar-

willing to accept toxic behaviors from my love

I told myself it was out of my royalty

In truth it was out of my own insecurity

Once I was a beggar-

willing to bend over for other’s validations

I told myself that was what takes

In truth it was out of  my low self-esteem

Once I was a beggar-

willing to sacrifice my own desires and feelings

I told myself it was out of kindness and selfishlessness

In truth it was out of my guilt and unworthiness

Once I was beggar-

willing to please or even manipulate others for temporary gains

I told myself I would not have deserved it otherwise

In truth it was out of my fear and faithlessness  

Once I was beggar-

whom was prisoned by my own poverty consciousness mind

My mind has taught me how to cope to be a child of men-
restricted, fearful and feeling lacking...

Yet my mind has forgotten about-

I am also a child of God, a child of the infinity-

free, fearless and forever expansive and abundant…

Flowers don’t stop blossoming-

just because they are unaware of each other’s beauty;

Diamond doesn’t stop being a diamond-

just because it is being covered by the dirt;

Moon doesn’t stop shining-

jut because no one appreiate its light;

You don’t stop being divine

just because no man recognizes your divinity...

As I have accepted myself as a child of man-

Everything in this physical world is materialized for my soul evolution;

As I have accepted myself also as a child of God-

within my human heart there is a gateway to ALL the love existing in the univere 

within my human soul there is a doorway to All the abundance existing in the univere
I have had All the treasures within me all along while I was out there searching for them 
I have had All the love within me all along  while I was out there begging for it ...
Thus, I have stopped being a beggar for good.

What do you see?

You see a magnificent tree,

But, do you recognize-

 the sun, the rain, the earth

and all the elements attributing 

to its magnificence?

You see someone’s success,

But, do you recognize-

 the tears and sweats

behind its shine and glamour?

You see her beauty 

with your physical eyes,

But, do you recognize-

 her spirit with your inner eyes?

You see the delusions 

in your dreams,

But, do you recognize-

 the delusions in your waking life?...

When I look at you,

Am I looking at-

 a 'shell' housing a beautiful soul?

Or a beautiful shell -

housing an empty soul?

When I speak to you,

Am I speaking to-

the ego self of yours?

Or the authentic self of yours?

When I meet you,

Are we meeting-

in the space of minds?

in the depth of souls?

Or just in the surface of bodies?

……

A True Healer

A mediocre doctor will give you

medicine to ease your symptoms;

A better doctor will try to analyze

your symptoms in a more holistic fashion;

An extraordinary doctor will look deeper

for the connections between the physical health

and the emotion or mental health;

Yet a real healer will go even further-

beyond the physical and mental bodies

seeking within one’s soul for

the answer to the root cause of all the symptoms.

Quite often-

A mediocre doctor will be appreciated for his medicine;

A better doctor will be appraised for his knowledge;

An extraordinary doctor will be admired for his insight;

A real healer will yet be resented or even punished–

for pointing out that you are living a life not aligned with your soul purpose;

for saying that YOU are mainly responsible for the manifestations of your illness;

for trying to guide you towards the journey of self healing instead of giving you a quick fix…

It is easier to be relieved by pills;

It is easier to be saved by someone else;

It is easier to blame others or circumstances

It is just too painful to admit to one’s self that –

‘ It is me that have been so caught up in my own ego and the worldly interests;

It is me that have been entertaining those low vibrational people and energies;

It is me that have been ignoring my soul’s promptings for all those years…’

It is so easy to forget that we are more than just physical beings-

we are the beings of trinity(body, mind and spirit)

All three aspects shall be balanced not only-

for the purpose of good physical health but also for the soul ascensions.

Our modern way of living has created very off-balanced human beings:

So much of our energies are focus on our body conscious and mental abilities

The spirit/soul aspect has been largely suppressed or ignored-

the incapability for soul to express itself freely through our body and mind

naturally those energy blocks will be manifested in the forms of physical illness

or mental distress or distortions

A true healer does not think she is better than anyone -

because she understands that healing is everyone’s innate nature;

(Some may have mastered their skills better than the other)

A true healer understands the power of self healing through her healings;

A true healer not only has a kindness of an innocent child

but also the inner strength of a lion!

A true healer is a true warrior, a wounded warrior-

She, who has been wounded time after time

Yet, she has never lost her faith!

She has healed her inner child wounds -

by giving the love to herself even no one else does;

She has healed her own shadows and darkness-

by taming them instead of eliminating them;

She has healed her past hurts and heartbreaks-

by transmuting the energies from negative to positive, from heavier to lighter;

She has healed the suppressed and distorted divine feminine energy-

by honoring both the feminine and masculine energies within herself;

She has healed all the karmic wounds passed down from her ancestors-

by stopping all the old negative patterns at her place…

A true healer as she is will not hesitate to tell you:

Mediate on your soul solely!

(before body, mind and spirit are in total alignment)

Listen neither to your mind nor to your heart

Listen merely to the gentle whispers of your soul…

Stop Battling

I have learned-

If I would give in to the powerful

I may have saved myself from

certain dreadful fates temporarily

But, my spirit would have suffered more

I have learned-

If I would compromise my integrity

I may have gained

some more appraises and success temporarily

But, part of my soul would have been compromised too

I have learned-

If I would behold my mask playing

the games like everyone else

My life may have been easier, at least temporarily

But, my light would have been dimmed more

… …

Often people are busy with battling with each other

while I found that more often I was battling with myself -

between physical and spiritual world,

between my own light and darkness,

between the immediate sense gratifications

and the long soul’s journey…

I have been battling long enough to understand-

how hard this battle can be;

how lonely one can feel at times;

how terribly a genuine seeker can be misunderstood by people

even by those close and loved ones to him/her…

There were those moments that

I felt like a wounded warrior keeping fighting
a battle which was invisible to the outside world-

my body was broken

my heart was bruised

my hands were bleeding

Yet I kept telling myself-

Just try a little bit harder

Just hold on a little bit longer… this too shall pass.

All  pain shall pass;

All confusions shall pass;

All delusions shall pass…

Fighting was necessary.

Struggling was necessary.

(How would knowledge and clarity be gained -
about one’s self otherwise ?!)

Not until I have known my self to a point that-

both my light and shadow

both my Yin and Yang energy

both my physical and spiritual aspects
both my past and future
All opposites can be met in the same place-
ONE sacred place within me
and within each of us...

( There is no contradictory in the opposites-
but to enrich us
if parts of self are not denied;

if energies are worked with instead of against.)

Thus, I stopped battling with myself.

Give that To Yourself

                                                                              

                                                          She used to waiting 

                                                       waiting for people to tell her-

that she was lovable

that she deserved their affections

She used to waiting

waiting for people to see her-

that she was worthy

that she deserved their attention

She used to waiting

waiting for people to forgive

that she was wronged by them

that she deserved their repentances...

Seasons come and go

Years come and go

People come and go

She was still in her waiting mode…

Since she had cried a river of sorrow-

feeling unvalidated and unloved

feeling helpless and hopeless…

She felt like a small chess in the mercy of life-

being moved and played by people and circumstances

which she felt that she had little saying or control;

She could never imagine -

that she could be a chess master herself

actually playing her own game of life…

Please take back your power, girl!

Please claim your power, girl!

Life is too precious to be wasted in waiting-

waiting for things to happen

waiting for people to change

Things don’t have that much power over you-

unless you allow them;

People don’t have that power over you-

unless you allow them!

What people fail to validate you

Give that validation to yourself!

What people fail to recognize you

Give that recognition to yourself!

What people fail to love you

Give that love to yourself!

Whatever people fail to give to you

Give that to yourself or more!!

Though universe is vast, so are you;

Though life is powerful, so are you;

You are not just born into this world

This world is born by you…

You can be your own greatest scriptwriter

and you can be your own best audience!

(regardless if there are someone applauding for you or not.)

Manipulation of Energy

           It is pretty human that we get ourselves stuck in our old patterns-the way we think, perceive, feel and react to people and situations. We may have aware that some of them are no longer serving us anymore, yet we may still choose to be stuck there, comfortably. Yes, there is always choice.

         Everything is energy. We all know that energy can neither be destroyed, energy can only be transferred or changed from one form to another. This law of thermodynamic has been widely applied in our modern way of life especially in the areas like science and technologies, yet too few take advantage in applying in those areas for the sake of benefiting our spiritual development and our wellbeing… Just think, if those negative energy patterns we have created in our life can’t be eliminated, why not working with transmuting and transforming them into some more positive energies instead?! There is no need to destroy our ‘bad energy’, transformation will do. After all, it is of the same energy of us anyway.

            I remember when I was in my teens, my hormones were running up and down. Quite often I was being taught by my father that how bad and how ugly it was to get angry, especially for a girl (he did not think about his own anger issue, I guess)… and this ‘teaching’ has had quite some influence on me even long into my adulthood whenever it came to how to deal with conflicts or anger issues. Quite often I had some kind of automatic withdrawal response as soon as I sensed some sticky situation. I did not know how to express my anger even when I got very very upset, instead I chose to shy away from conflict or to hide in my ‘cocoon’ breaking into tears, those were my usual method of releasing my suppressed emotional energy. But as soon as my emotion energy was released, I put back my happy face pretending nothing happened but secretly holding the resentment towards the person, which is called passive aggressive behavior in psychological term. The thing is if energy can’t be expressed naturally and channeled properly, it is suppressed and it will build up and eventually erupt in some unexpected even destructive ways like deadly disease or mental breakdown... Unfortunately human society has certain set of definitions between male and female roles,  maybe too much of focus are put to define our differences other than our commonalities. In fact, we each human embodies naturally both male and female characters, both Yin and Yang energy in terms of energy. But somehow human society, or more of human’s ego, has always been preferring the concept of a male embodying yang energy and a female yin energy, as if his male ego will get hurt if he shows the embodiment of yin energy and vice versa. This kind of misunderstanding plus ego has caused so many unnecessary sufferings in our human experiences, both physically, emotionally and mentally…because too much of yang energy tends to lead to aggression, too much of yin energy tends to lead to victimization.  Thus, we should work with balancing the polarity energies instead of working against them; thus we shoule honor the cycle of our emotions, including anger! Different emotion carries different elemental energy, say we Chinese. Anger usually carries lots of fire elemental energy. When it is expressed fairly and channeled properly, it has great power for transformation, and for creativity as well!  I am not suggesting you to get angry with people without reason, I am simply saying that when you have good reason to be angry, then don’t hold back, express the fire within you, let your voice be heard!

          I am sure there are many different ways which can help you to shift your energies for example meditation, reiki and breathing technique, music, shamanistic drum etc. You need to find what it works best for you. Whatever it is, the essential point is that it can help you to shift between energies- by changing the status of your emotion, or mental focus to enable you to shift from your old negative pattern into a new more positive pattern. Like any creation, new pattern has to be worked out until it becomes stabilized pattern for you. In the meantime your energy may still shift back and forth between your old energy pattern and your new energy pattern... But do hold on, you will get out of your old cycle, feeling much freer and lighter. The trick is to try to look for the silver lining in any given situations, always! You may call it self-delusion or self manipulation, but if it is for your highest good, why not?! Life is already pretty illusional, isn’t it? Most of us have spent most part of our lives in manipulating our energies for the wrong reasons, why not for the right reason this time?! For example, you have experienced some pain, some loss, some betrays and some disappointments in the past. Would you like to let this past define who you are and who you will be? Would you like to be stuck in that kinds of anger, sadness and resentment? Would you like to break free from the old cycle  and start fresh? If you so choose to see your situation as a way of learning your intended lesson; if you so choose to see your sufferings as a way of releasing your karmic debts; if you so choose those experiences as a way of awakening a deep yarning for healing; if you so choose those setbacks as necessary to rid of your heavy energy so you will be freer and lighter; if you so choose to see the hidden blessings regardless of your circumstances…Wouldn’t you already feel the rising of gratitude in your heart; the uplifted hope in your spirit; and the much longed peace filling up you and your space?!  ......

I like Rumi's saying: 

"Yesterday I was clever, 

I wanted to change the world

Today I am wiser

So I am changing myself..."

When I was judging the others

I was being judged by the others;

When I accept the others as they are

I am accepting myself as I am;

When I change my energy pattern

I am changing the manifestations of my reality;

When I changed my mind

I changed my mind about the world…

Speak Highest Within

       

           

             Since I have experienced unusual encounters and moments a few times in my life which have contributed much to my continuous curiosity and the mystic feeling about life, because they have given me the indications that things which have been always perceived in certain ways don't necessarily have to be that way …

           That was an ordinary day, I remember. I sat myself lazily on my terrace doing nothing and thinking of nothing, just watching the clouds against the backdrop of a blue sky moving little and changing forms little; I, feeling the pleasant spring breeze in the air; hearing the birds chipping from time to time, there was a sense of peace and tranquility bubbling inside me … Until suddenly a small bird ‘blue tit’(Cyanistes caeruleus) 'disturbed' my peace and landed on the table beside me... It looked incredible cute, with soft yellow color on its abdomen; mixed yellow and blue color on its back; white-faced but with a dash of blue on the top of its head…simply a beautiful bird! I did not know what I was thinking but I reached out to the bird with my palm open: ‘Come, little one, come to me…’’ To my surprise, it did fly to me and landed on my palm! I could not believe my eye that a free bird was standing in my palm! After initial a few second’s surprise and hesitation, I became bolder with my next not-thinking-through move :  I whispered gently to the bird as if I was speaking to my pet: ‘Don’t be afraid, I won’t hurt you…’ Next was the weird thing happening:  The bird seemed settling in my palm instead of flying off; and I ended up in touching its back, rubbering its soft feather with my fingers as if I was  cuddling my own pet… Maybe the whole touching thing only lasted for about 15 seconds before it took off and disappeared in the air, but still it was amazing… My daughter caught sight of the scene, in complete disbelief what she just saw... I was surprised but the same time not that surprised. Within that 15 seconds, I knew there was something special happened- Some boundary was crossed... Somewhere, somehow the spirit of mine in a human form was tuned in with the spirit of a bird in its animal form... In those seconds, great trust was shared and love was understood…

           It is ironic that which has taken some seconds to establish a trust bond with a bird would have taken years with a human being, or worse- the more grownup we humans become the more distrust we are towards each other! Once we all had that kind of openness, non-judgement and trust when we were babies before we have learnt us how to be proper humans according to our social norms and standards; Once we all were much connected with our origin and the universe at large that we all are of spirits, may in different forms but all interconnected, understand the common language of the universe- LOVE! …  When a spirit can't express itself due to the too much overtaken by the physical forces and restrictions; Or when a innerchild voice is constantly being victimnized by the ego mind, a person will gradually lose her or his power in connecting with All That Is, which will result the perception of separation from the universe and result in more fear because our human physical body is always fearful while our spirit is always fearless… So when our mind is based on the perceptions of separation and ego, no matter how eloquent we have become; no matter how much knowledge we have acquired; the words coming out of our mouth are as empty as cheap car salesmen…thus any forms of communication originates from that place of ego will only serve the expansion and manipulation of EGO, nothing more!  Today we humans are living in an era with the biggest ego, but also with the biggest fear due to our perceptions of separation from the others,  even from ourselves!

            So if your words are not coming from a place of heart; from a place of spirit/soul; from a place of authenticity… then please behold your words! I, rather to be left alone with a tree or a cat because I don’t want to feel that terrible sense of loneliness even with your presence, with all that of nonsense coming out of your mouth…I understand where you come from because I have been in your shoes before, but you will not understand me... I am no longer interested in wasting my time, life is too previous.  For those who understand me, there is no need for me to explain myself; and for those who don’t, why bother?! Real flow of communication can’t neither be forced nor manipulated, it just happens naturally and beautifully... It is pure energy exchange of love flowing from one soul to another, from one spirit to another… So when you are ready to speak from the highest place within you to the highest place within me, trust will be shared and love will be felt naturally and spontaneously, with or without a spoken word; So, if you practice to  ‘speak’ the highest within always, no matter it is to a tree, a dog or a human, you will find the whole existence starting opening to you, and ‘speaking’ to you and through you, with the universal language of LOVE …