Flower Sermon

       

         One day, Buddha gave a wordless sermon to his disciples. He sat there with a white flower in his hand, he just smiled without uttering a word. All his disciples were confused and could not understand what Buddha meant or wanted to express except one disciple called Mahakasyapa, he understood the message so he smiled back without saying anything either… all was communicated and understood between them, without a word…

         We are who we are. And we are at where we are supposed to be. If you are there where I am, you will understand me without me explaining much myself to you; if you are not where I am, you will not be able to understand me no matter how hard I try to explain myself or how hard I prove myself to you, you won’t understand me…because in the end, all the relationships in our lives are merely the mirrors of who we really are and where we are at…nothing is personal.

You, who see the kindness in me have already the kindness within you;

You, who see the beauty in me have already the beauty within you;

You, who sense the wounds in me have already the wounds within you;

You, who see the separation in me have already the separation within you;

You, who see the divinity in me have already the divinity within you…

We are truly each other’s great mirrors… nothing is personal.

 

As Jesus says in the Gospel of Thomas( verse’70)

‘ If you bring forth what is within you,

What you have will save you.

If you do not have that within you,

What you do not have within you will destroy you.’

So be it.

 

He the hypocritical one

 

He the hypocritical one-

He who sings the high praises to God

He who claims himself the true servant of God

Yet He who is ready to crucify the Lord

as soon as his own pitiful authority being questioned or threatened

 

He the foolish one-

He who believes the material abundance is the end goal of life

He who keeps exhausting his life force in chasing those ghosts

He who remains a poor beggar in his very being even though he has gained the wealth of a king

The true abundance can only be gained within

 

He the cowardly one-

He who sits on the sideline watching and gossiping

about the others’ fallings and risings;

He who is always ready to ridicules the others

who has chosen to face, to battle with their inner demons

He who casts his own demons onto the others 

Or projects his own darkness upon the world instead

just to avoid to face his own demons and cowardness

 

He the ignorant one-

He who justifies the patriarchy dominance and superiority                                   

or any established moral codes like a headless sheep

He who holds the disrespects and blasphemy towards the Feminine

Little does he know-

Anything done to the Mother is done to the Father

Because the divine Mother/Father is ONE

And anything done to our divine Mother/Father is

 done onto ourselves inevitably 

Thus, 

In a field beyond human' conscious mind-

beyond any religion and knowledge

beyond any ego and illusion

There is the field of the Spirit-

a field of pure consciousness/God

There, no fool will be able to hide his foolishness or wickedness

Just as no shadow will be able to hide under the blazing sunlight…

 

 

( P.S. The ‘He’ referred here has no specific sex agenda, which includes both ‘He’ and ‘She’.)

Winter Solstice Contemplations

 

I

When people say –

‘I want truth’

Seldom they really mean that

but the ‘truth’ to their conveniences

 

When people say-

‘I want abundance’

Seldom they really mean that

but something more like lottery winning overnight

 

When people say-

‘I want healing’

Seldom they really mean that

but the miracles somehow fallen upon them

with little healing work required of themselves

 

When people say-

‘I want happiness’

Seldom they really mean that

but the appearances of happiness in other’s eyes

 

When people no longer say what they really mean

When people no longer mean what they say

When authenticity has become foolishness

When kindness has become weakness

When love has become commodity

When even being happy has become guilty-

How dare you to be happy there-

while we are miserable and unhappy here…?!

So please say no more

just stay with me -

in this perfect silence of winter solstice ...

**************************************************************************************************

II

            Life can be hard at times. Sometimes we can get caught up with negative emotions and difficult situations and we feel sorry for ourselves.

           ‘If I had come from a better, a more loving and more prosperous family, my life would have been so much easier, instead I have to struggle constantly with my childhood wounds and inner demons…’

         ‘If I have a better paid job, if I have a nicer boss, I would be more successful and much happier…’

        ‘If my friends had not stabbed my back and betrayed me, I would not have those trust issues towards people…’

        ‘If I haven’t been so damaged from my previous failed relationship, I would be a better girlfriend or a better husband or a better father/mother…’...

         Of course it is only human and natural that we fall into a self pity place from time to time, but to indulge in such a victim mode for too long time, it will become part of our identity. Whatever we constantly feed to our mind, we are becoming just that…

         As all the souls were standing before the gate of earth realm before their incarnations. Love and freewill were granted for each soul to choose its own path-

        Or choosing an ‘adventure ride’ just for the purpose of some physical experiences(Popular among those young souls or the new earthly incarnated souls);

        Or choosing a ‘classic karma’ to work out some karma with people from one particular previous life;

        Or choosing a more ambitious ‘super program’- which can be super challenging yet super rewarding as well. It means during a soul’s one lifetime on earth, a soul will be facing a lot of challenges, blocks and resistances but ‘designed’ or ‘chosen’ by its own soul-As Aeschylus says: ‘Wisdom comes along through suffering'- the purpose of those temporary sufferings is not meant to hurt the soul but to enable it to gain the knowledge and wisdom to break its earthly karma and to break the chains of those old negative cycles and patterns which may have plagued not only its own soul ascension but also its soul family's ascension in different negative ways (we often call them as ancestral curses)…  Nevertheless, this path is not for every soul, because the multitudes of a soul's transformation within one lifetime-literally you have to shed your old skins and witness the 'death' of your old self before the new self is possible to be reborn which can even be overwhelming even for those old souls.

         As Buddha teaches, ’’Pain is inevitable, but suffering is a choice.’’  So seen from a soul journey perspective. There is no such a thing as a victim, to be a victim is a choice! All was done with the free will of the soul and all will be done with the same freewill of the soul. Even at times we may feel like a victim and be a victim in certain situations, but it is never meant to remain so. We don’t like to be told that ‘ You are at the exact place where you are supposed to be…’ no matter how cheesy it may sound, we are at the exact place where we are supposed to be! For me personally, I could make the peace with myself when I finally accept the people and things as they are- there is always part of my role to play, but more than that, I can't do; and I could release those sadness and resentments when I finally could accept in my heart that truly the things were not done to me but for me…

         And please judge Not! We all have chosen our path, for the purpose of our soul’s journey, to experience, to learn, to grow for the further ascension according to our soul’s desires and freewill. One path is not better than another, but whatever path we have chosen, we have to walk through it, in one way or another, in one lifetime or thousands of lifetimes!

        The year 2020 has been a tough year for many of us. But even in the mist of all the chaos and darkness, we have to keep our faith that this horrible Corona may somehow have served us in some ways -  that we are forced to brake, to pause, to reflect on our life and the life around us; to start to question our ways of living and how our ways of living have impacted on each other and the environments like the air, the water, the forest etc. and the earth we call it home… after all, all the outer world is merely the reflections of our inner world- when our inner world is chaotic, our outer world can't be anything else other than chaotic;  only when our inner world shifts, that experience of our outer world will be shifted accordingly…There will be always forces and influences from the people or the circumstance trying to take this 'inner divine and fearless' power from us, so at least let us not to do that to ourselves and let us stop ‘warring’ with our own soul- what we perceive is not always how our soul perceive; what we want is not always what our soul ‘want’… maybe the real truth is that we are not the victims here but our own souls being constantly sacrificed to our endless ego and our endless material desires!

         Look up at the moon, my friend. As the moon wanes and waxes- Or quarter, or crescent, or full… each phrase has its beauty. So is with life- each taste has its richness and each season has its own purpose and its blessing even being disguised at times. So just ride along with the waves of life and enjoy the rides - all is well …

Happy New Year 2021 to All of you!🙏

 

 

Just to realize...

 

Travelled to the far and exotic lands

looking for a home 

a place of belonging

So I have travelled far enough,

Just to realize-

Home is  already -

where my heart is

 

Broken  into thousand pieces

Or for someone's muse

 or someone's  acceptance

So I have been broken enough

Just to realize-

I was never meant to fit in

In the first place

 

Bounded  by the endless  morals

 and desires of this world-

So I  have become tired enough 

Just to realize-

My spirit can never be bounded-

because it is not of this world

and it is forever free

Bewildered by this ancient soul  caged in-

 a childlike  body of mine long enough

Just to realize -

I am NOT this body

Though I am here struggling-

to be a human being 

My soul knows  the ancient story of me-

beyond this body  

beyond this lifetime

beyond any notion from any man

or good or bad

Because I  am-

different from those notions

in a million different ways...

 

Sweet Lilac

 

                          

When the sun sets on the horizon

Instead of holding onto its divinely glory

It humbles away for the rising of

the moon

 

When the autumn leaves hit the muddy ground

Instead of weeping for their falling from the tree

They kiss their love to

the earth

 

In this vast universe

In this time and space

We meet

Our souls meet

Our human minds may categorize it-

according to our human social standards

Our souls know yet its sacredness-

in its depth rather than in its length

But, Instead of nurturing and loving each other

Instead of honoring and celebrating each other

What have we done to each other?!

 

In the end of our time

Everything of this world will die and fade away

Except the undying memories of love-

will be forever engraved into our souls-

how our fate was crossed once

how my eyes met with yours

how your smiles met with mine

and how blue sky it was

and how sweet the lilac tasted in the air ….

(Extra notes: A physical meeting has its seasons while a soul meeting has its eternity. When a soul conscious meets with a body conscious, even their bodies are next to each other, their mind/spirit maybe worlds apart; When two bodies recognize each other on its deep soul level, the sense of separation will disappear and the true connection will be felt, in which the souls’ desires to create beauty, harmony and growth with each other on the physical plane will be evoked, only then true peace will be regained among the humans between each other and only then the heaven on earth will be possible… Otherwise we can keep chasing the dreams of our soulmates throughout our entire life yet end up helplessly in karmic relationships and karmic cycles instead… the problem is that we have to become a more of soul conscious being ourselves first before we can even recognize other souls, not mention our soulmates...)

Abandonment issue

  

 

           I was asked by a friend to write a few words about the abandonment issue. I felt slightly hesitated because I don't know how far I have come after man years' self healing and if I would still be triggered… but I am going to find out about that soon. 

        I encountered with my own abandonment issue basically head on directly after I was born into this world.  I was wrapped in a piece of sheet and dumped at somewhere by the roadside directly by my grandparents (my father's) simply because I was not a boy as they hoped… so there was I lying by the dusty roadside alone from the morning to the evening...how many people walked passing by me that day, there was no one wanting to have an extra mouth to feed, plus for many I was not only just a girl but also an unhealthy girl( I came out about one month too earlier)… To make the long story short, when my mum finally had me back in her arms, my little pink winkled face looked pale and dehydrated, and it looked like I was crying but sounded almost like a mosquito… I would not have survived much longer like that according to my mum…

         For many years I have been working with releasing my resentments towards my parents for having allowed this happened and for having treated me and hurt me through their unconscious acts and words and for having not given me love and protection which I deserved... but I see things very differently nowadays- in order to understand the pain I must experience the pain myself first, because through my struggle of desiring to heal it and to overcome it, I will gain the knowledge and healing which may benefit whoever crosses my path later on- so it maybe harsh and difficult for our human mind to grasp, but there is divine order in everything if we so choose to have some faith towards the life. It was not a punishment for being where I was but it was my soul's choice- a necessary lesson for my soul's evolution... Withholding this perspective in my mind, the overwhelming resentment I had towards my parents slowly disappeared, I started to understand them and even developed sense of sympathy towards them after all we all easily become the products of our time and our environments unless we consciously fight against it!-  My parents lived in a traumatized period in China which they were subjected to the wars, the hunger, the famine, especially the disastrous 10 year long Culture Revolution which made their entire generation suffered physically, mentally, emotionally greatly- that is why they were described as the lost generation later on. Everything was upside down- all the moral and value systems were collapsed and twisted completely... ‘Red guard’ students denounced their teachers; the children denounced their own parents; everyone was turned against everyone… all the madness  and the distortions had turned their entire generation from authentic to apathetic people, with the incredible sense of indifferences and distrust among people… so in a way, I was abandoned because they were abandoned... Life has its humor ever it is a pretty dark one sometimes.

        But at that time I was too young to understand the depth of things, I thought I was abandoned because I was not valuable enough, good enough. Especially after I having been also sent away to the countryside to live with my grandparents(my mum’s parents) and late on being picked up back to the city to start the school after nearly 6 years away from my parents which basically confirmed my own theory of not being valuable enough and good enough to my own parents…I don't think my parents understood what it was really going on inside their six-year-old daughter that I was not only struggling with the feeling of being a stranger to my parents and my little sister in my own home but also I was struggling with such a sadness and desperation in my heart as if I was standing on a no-man island, no one could hear me cry or scream because no one cared… Besides those years we lived together as a family didn’t change much about how I felt inside, maybe even worse- that cold feeling of the loneliness while being surrounded by people…

         In order to survive, I developed my coping mechanism around people – I learned how to keep my head down; I learned to how to be nice and trouble-free; I learned to put everyone else’s needs before me…so I could receive some crumbs of love and attention... it did not matter if I had nightmares and how I was afraid and sad I learned to wipe off my own tears; padded on my own shoulders; and tried to talk myself out of sadness…I became my own mother, my own father and my own cheer leader… everything I could not express outwards was turned inwards, very much inwards... At that time I couldn't perceive how all those momentums were leading me back to myself and back to the spirit realm…

          I guess it is a bit unusual to have such existential crisis at such a young age. A normal six, seven year old child would be and should be more concerned with his next game or her new dress instead while I was pretty wrapped with the questions like ‘Who am I? Why am I here? What is the purpose of my life? and what is the meaning of life? etc.…’ Though at times this fear of there is no one out there who will be able to truly understand me and love me unconditionally just for who I am and cherish me through the thick and thin could bring the chills to my heart, it did serve its purpose somehow, because otherwise I would not have realized how resilient, strong and how optimistic and hopeful I was regardless what had happened, which make me almost have a such an strong inner conviction about myself-if I could have made though something like this without having my optimistic spirit damaged, nothing else in this world can! Regardless, I believe that this whole childhood trauma of mine somehow has served its purpose of bringing me closer to myself, and to the Spirit...

          Looking back at my life, I can see how certain things have been presented and proved over and over again- whenever I followed my intuition and acted upon it, things would work out effortlessly; whenever I ignored my intuition and acted upon my ego impulses, things would get stuck easily, ended up in failure even disaster... Over the time, I have become more in tune with my intuition- I can discern better with the voice of my spirit guides from the voice of my own ego; and I am better at adjusting my life course according to my inner guidance; and I have developed more trust toward myself and the life itself…which was not the case earlier. I remember the very first time when I told my mum that I thought I had invisible friends like guardian angles who were there talking to me and looking after me... My mum became very uncomfortable with what I said, and she told me firmly not to talk about those ‘nonsense’ to anyone else because I would be at risk of being ridiculed or wrongly judged…and she also explained to me that during her time there were many people who were prosecuted and even killed for their religious beliefs or spiritual practices… So I got afraid and started to be even suspicious about what I had experienced…

         Today I am glad that I have found my way back because the truth is the truth- I can’t deny what I have experienced even though it can be difficult to explain to others. What I have experienced was real for me, which was the communication between me and my spiritual guides / angels for lacking of a better definition for them, and that is enough for me. I am no longer that little girl, I don’t need to explain myself to anyone - what is between me and the Spirit is special and sacred to me and it shall remain so! Because I do believe, everyone can and should establish his/her own unique and sacred relationship directly with the Spirit, with the divine, with God whatever you call it, there is no need for any religion, or priests or spiritual leaders to act as intermedia, it is through your heart portal to your soul, from your soul directly to the Spirit...  which means, just by following your heart, and by connecting with your soul/your authentic self, you will figure out along your journey about your own ways of communicating with the Spirit, with the Divine…that will be something special and sacred created between you and God only, no one or nothing else should be able to take that away from you!

           I believe ever single human on this planet has some sorts of issues- self esteem issues if it is not abandonment issues, or inner child wounds if it is not narcissistic wounds… lists go on because this earth school can be pretty challenging for souls at the times due to the amnesia of the souls upon incarnating into physical beings; and also due to the heavy and distorted mental and emotional energies on earth caused by human’s own contributions… as long as we humans continue to ignore our intuitions and our soul purposes, and continue this amnesialike existences by clinging heavily to the sense and the ego's gratifications, we will not be able to heal ourselves or our mother earth, we will be continue having our wound bonding collectively, with each other, with our past and even our future…unless we relearn to bond with each other through our authentic selves, through unconditional love, through the deeper level of soul connection, we will be forever feeling abandoned and separated from each other, from the universe and from the life itself!

           According to Chinese Medicine philosophy, if we truly want to cure our illness, we have to dig deep to find out the root cause. So we need to be brutal honest with ourselves and be courageous to dive into our issues no matter how hard and how traumatic it has been- Where did the pain originate from- your childhood? Was it physical or emotional, or both? How is this past issue affecting your present life for example, your relationships?... Stop repressing it, stop hiding away and stop judging yourself, just shine the light on your issues, with love and patience, so you can start with your own healing process…It is like gardening, you first have to take away the insects, then you take away the weed so the sun can shine in. After all the preparations, you have to give some time, so the sun can do its magic to make your garden flourish again! During this process, while you developing your compassion for yourself, even for your mistakes and failures, you will automatically develop more compassion for the others, because after all, we are no different from one another- beneath the cloak of the races, the nationalities, the religious beliefs we all have red blood through our veins; we all can shed tears to the pain and burst laughter to the joy…

          There are two types of people in this world: those who view the glass as half full, and those who view the glass half empty. This phenomenon is called perception, and our perceptions profoundly impact how we experience life – so which type would you like to be? We may excuse ourselves if we have been subjected to the abandonment or other abusive issues when we were young and helpless, but it doesn’t give us excuse to continue to live our adult lives under the past spell... So please don’t hold onto your past, please don’t let your past define your future, make peace with your past and move on! Tell yourself: Even the whole world shall abandon you again, you shall never abandon yourself again!!! We need to develop some faith towards the universe-that the universe is not conspiring against us but for us no matter how difficult or absurd to our conceptions at times... Because we have to stop forgetting about that we are the spirits who are having some earthly experiences- we are living in the body but not of it; and we are living in this world but not of it... This is a lonely place to be if we hold onto our old identities of separate physical beings instead of a wonderful place to be, for our souls to experience, to interact with each other because when we are reconnected with soul identities and soul purposes, we will have the feeling of connectedness, unity, and the feeling of the whole universe is behind us… then there will be no more abandonment issues or any kinds of issues but the experiences for the souls’ journey, even a bad experience will no longer considered by the mind as bad but just an experience, an adventure…

             Sometimes I still can hear the Spirit's whispers in my dreams: ‘…my dear child, we have been with you since the dawn of time and we will be with you to the end of time…only if you could see what we see - how powerful and magnificent you are; only if you could know what we know about you- that you are made of nothing else but of the pure love and light; only if you could believe how much you are loved and blessed … you wouldn’t ever need to feel insecure or lonely; you wouldn’t ever need to beg for some crumbs of love …because YOU ARE THAT LOVE…’’

 

 

Weekend Free Verses

 

*SATURDAY VERSE*

 

Into the deep forest I went

I faced the dangers of snakes and lions

In order to find-

the ancient hidden treasures

 

Into the deep darkness I dived

I risked of losing my mind

In order to discover -

the eternal light within my heart

 

Into the veil of life and death I surrendered

I witnessed my own death (my old self)

In order to retrieval

all the lost pieces of my soul….

                                          

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*SUNDAY VERSE*

 

People, why are you celebrating your richness?

Don’t you see such a poverty in your soul?!

 

People, why are spending so much time in

 making your face fresh and pretty?

Don’t you see how dusty and ugly 

your inner soul face has become?!

 

People, why are you liking this one 

and hating another one?

Don’t you understand-

an enemy of this lifetime of yours could be

a family member of yours in another lifetime?!

 

People, why are you holding on so tightly

to things and people?

Today is soon becoming yesterday

Yesterdays are soon become the past memories…

 

In the blink of an eye,

The life you have known will be gone

The things you have accumulated will be worthless

The people you have been holding onto 

will not be there with you…

It will be only YOU standing nakedly facing your soul

It will be only YOU answering to your own soul

What are you going to say to your soul then ?….