Just some random thoughts...

 

I am not afraid if you would fall in love with me

But I am afraid that you would fall in love with me-

for the wrong reason

 

I am not afraid to be myself

But I am afraid to be too much of myself in front of you..

You may accept and befriend me

if I show you my mediocre intelligence;

You may stab a knife on my back

if I show you my extraordinary intelligence

 

I am not afraid of owning my abundance

But I am afraid of showing my abundance to you..

When you are jealous at my abundance,

You don’t know half of my story-

If you have known my silent struggles and tears,

Will you still want my abundance... ?!

 

Sometimes I wonder myself-

how old is this soul of mine beneath this still youthful cloak?!...

So much I can recognize myself in you

Yet so little you can recognize me in me...

In this earthly realm I call home-

everywhere feels like home

yet at the same time -

no where feels like my real home...

 

*************************************************************************************************************

 

A man dwells sorely on his intellect

Knows NOT the beauty of his world;

A man fluctuates sorely in his emotions

Knows NOT the stability of his world;

A man disconnects sorely from the Spirit-

Lives a life with NO hope

regardless how much he may attain 

or accumulated in the physical world-

because he lives in an existence which does not sustain 

his very soul…

 (* Channeled by the beloved archangel Michael)

 

 

A beautiful autumn afternoon

 

Deceive not-

By how I look or

where I come from  

Deceive not yourself either-

By what you wear or

how many languages you can speak

 

We ALL are here-

with the different karmic or non-karmic reasons

with the different choices of costumes and rolls

Yet we ALL are here playing the same game-

the great game so called ‘ human life’!

 

If you take a first glimpse of me-

You may see only a stranger, with all kinds of odds and differences from yours;

If you take another look at me-

You may no longer see a stranger, because you see that my blood is as red as yours;

If you take another closer look at me-

You may see a friend there, the earth can be a lonely place,

you may need a friend and so do I…

If you take an even deeper look through my eyes into my soul-

You may recognize me, that I am your soul sister/brother and you are mine…

 

As the autumn sun is cozying through my cheeks

As the rich hues of the autumn leaves are feasting my eyes

As the crispy tones and chippings from the unknown birds are indulging my ears

As the little muddy yet fertile ground is mothering my feet nurturing my physical vessel

As a stranger walking passing by is giving me a kind smile without any special reason

and his dog is leading the way sniffing around happily and playfully …

At this very moment,

Every bits and pieces, in its own way

Every different hues and ingredients, in its own fashion

has contributed directly or indirectly to -

Such a perfect beautiful autumn afternoon…

 

 

 

Letter to my dear daughter

My dear daughter,

           You are 18 now- an important milestone for you, not only in an official sense that now you can buy alcohol and take drive license etc. but also in a sense that you are no longer a little girl, you have become a woman! As kind, smart and beautiful as you are and we are immensely proud of who you have become!

         I understand there are certain things which are more sensitive, awkward and even little taboo to talk about between parents and children, for example, sexuality. Now it is time for me to address a bit about this sensitive topic, because it is too important to leave it unaddressed or leave to you to figure it out all by yourself as my parents did to me which made me question this method because I had to go through many unnecessary struggles due to the lacking of emotional support and understanding and proper guidance from my parents... I don't mean that now you as my daughter should do what I say, instead I want you to feel that I am with you and I am here ready to validate your feelings whatever you feel is right for you... therefore I will not brush aside this topic even though you might be defensive about it, because I have come to the understanding of the importance of this through my own painful struggles that this is too important to brush over or off. As young as you are, filled with hope and dreams, as innocent and vulnerable as you are, as a mother, I feel compelling to share some of my thoughts with you, to prepare you for the adulthood as much I can because I can see how in the near future your attitude towards sexuality will have profound impact on your experience of sexuality and the quality of your relationship with others and yourself... 

          As you know, everything is energy. And sexual energy is the most potent and most creative energy in the universe because it has created the entire universe, the stars, the planets and the humans... there is the eternal dance of sacred love between the polarity energies which in human expressed as male and female principles. Yet since human's lower mind driven by ego and self serving has become such a dominant in human's conscious life, automatically the human's higher mind was forced to the background and has remained dormant for thousand years. As the consequences of this shift in human consciousness- the matter victorying over the human spirit, many holy men or sage were prosecuted, killed or forced to hide underground, so were those important scripts and documents of sacred knowledges forced to go understand. Maybe it has to be so as esoteric knowledge unknown to the mass for our own protection before the mass consciousness is ready to receive such teachings. Otherwise it will be misinterpreted and manipulated for controlling and gaining power for sex supremacy through creating fear, shame and guilt in sexuality in each other... there are already much distorted energies in our human collective psyche originated from the past traumas, guilt, fear and mistrust related to sex and genders which has been screaming for addressing and healing, yet most people don't want to talk about it,  because this' big elephant' in their closets has become too big to to deal with it, so it is easier to choose escapism through drugs, alcohol or senseless sex... I am afraid, if one day, all those ancient wisdom and sacred knowledge are completely destroyed or disappeared, there will be no more hope for humans, without any of divine guidance. Human consciousness will fall deeper and deeper into the abyss of the darkness of self tormenting... So be respectful and show reverence towards these sacred teachings and divine guidance because they are our souls' very last straw!!! 

          Sorry my thoughts were 'wandering' a bit too far from the course once again. Back to you, I have witnessed how you have become a pretty confident and open-minded young lady who can be kind to people and yet at the same time be able to stand for yourself which make me very proud because I could not do that at your age. I was very quiet, shy and introvert and always preferred to be cocooned in my own little world with my books, my trees, my birds , my imagined angelic friends than to be with people...I have been working diligently since with my own issues and my trust towards people. But nevertheless, surely you can be my teacher in something and I can be your teacher in something else even though we are a mother and a daughter. My experiences, my perspectives and my spirituality can still provide you with some valuable insights and guidance especially in the areas of emotion and spirituality related to sexuality hopefully. So bear with me, please.

         I remember that you joked about how many of your friends are having their boyfriends and how you are being picky with a bit tease of ‘such a picky daughter must have such a picky mum’ thing… I know it is quite acceptable and normal for parents in Sweden that their kids are allowed to have sexual relationship as earlier as 15 years old and maybe even earlier in some cases. Of course there are different social norms from different countries and places, as much as I respect how people choose to live their lives but I just have some different opinions regarding this. Trust me, it has very little to do with where I come from, I was regarded as a black sheep as much in my family as outside of my family because my mind and my thoughts appeared too different and too strange to the people around me… It has taken me many years of self struggles to come in term with myself- 'If this is the way that I am made by God, who can be there against me-HIS way?!' So listen, there is no rush with finding a boyfriend. You don’t need to prove your worth to anyone and neither do you need to compete with anyone, as the moon doesn't need to compete with the sun, as a rose doesn't need to compete with a lily... you are more than good enough! You don't need to find a boyfriend or a friend to confirm how good you are and how wonderful you are, always willingly to give that confirmation to yourself regardless! … No matter how controversial I might sound to you right now, please keep your mind open because you've already known that I love you and I want the very best for you. Just take a few minutes to reflect upon what I have written to you and simply take those which resonates with your heart and leave the rest. I am not here to tell you what to do or what not to do. Here I just would like to raise your awareness about some neglected areas related to sexuality, so you would be more prepared(may never enough though according to a mother...), especially in the areas of your emotional wellbeing and your mental stability at this stage of yours. I believe today's teens have already known more than enough information about the sexuality in the physical areas, so I will not address that here.

           I know, that we are living in a western world which is very much about freedom, including the freedom of sexuality. But this lacking of deeper understanding that we humans are more than just some physical beings but also we are energetic beings of soul/spirit. When we interact with one another, we are not only communicating with our words and our body languages, we are communicating energetically as well, depends on how you are sensitive and in tune with energies. Generally speaking, females are more easily to pick up energies and affected by them as well because of lacking of understanding. Take a simple example, you know someone that you always feel exhausted after you have spent time with him/her, you don't really know why, but you know how you feel. In that case, you should always trust your feeling more than your logic mind. What was going on is: you two can chat normally and friendly but your energies are communicating on a deeper level at the same time, words can lie, energies can't! If you are a sensitive empath, you can be ever more easily read and take on others' energies unwillingly, it can be very burdensome and heavy on your emotional energetic body if you don't learn how to close your receptors at will for your own protection at times... That is to say, when you merge with someone sexually, you two are communicating in an even deeper and a more intimate way, you will not only merge with your physical body, but also your emotional body and your soul essence energy... so what you take with you from another person is not only the passion released but also you take with you his soul essence which consists of not only his own cell memories but also the soul memories he has taken from the other people who he has sexually merged with previously, unless those negative and discorded energy cords being consciously healed and cleared off … There are so many people on this planet get diseased physically, emotionally and mentally not knowing about their energetic fields have been 'messed up' by this so called modern freedom mode-'non-strings-attached-sex' without emotional involvements, but in truth you will be involved more than you think! So you will be unconsciously take on and carry on each other's soul memories and karmic  burdens through this sexual exchange because you have forgotten the complexity of your being and the complexity of the energy exchange especially the powerful sexual energy exchange!... Believe or not, that all forms of diseases first will appear in your energetic field before manifesting into your physical body!  That is to say, it is as important to keep your physical body hygien and clean as it is important to keep your sexuality as clean as possible if you desire to experience more love, peace, harmony, vitality and creativity in your life, otherwise you have to put much of your precious energy in dealing with the burdens which may not be even yours in your energy field, especially your emotional body... Of course, it can be your soul's choice to go through that kind of turmoil and discords in order to understand and to discern your own energy from the others', thus to learn how to protect your own energetic sovereignty... In any case, please don't feel pressured that you have not found your one yet, there is true golden in being choosy and picky when it comes that. Be proud instead, because it does take courage to stand alone without compromising who you are!!!

            Sex can be done in different ways. If it is only done between the legs, then it is only sex nothing else, on this level, humans are no different from the animals; When it is done between two hearts, then this sex energy will rises up to the heart chakra connecting two souls which will make you feel loved; and if continues through the heart portal, there is another higher level that we each human being has potential to reach is to arise this potent energy spiraling up to the crown chakra, or even beyond(you may call it kundalini rising), this powerful uprising energy symbolizes that human’s spirit is rising up to its victory over the matter once again. Because on this level, sexuality has transcend and transmuted to a spiritual height which make the physical sexual activities lesser of importance, your spirit becomes so merged with the grand oceanic LOVE of the Universe, and merged with all-there-is, in that self realization you will know your wholeness and your own sovereignty! This is every single soul's journey, to wander off to experience what it is like to feel separated and fragmented in order to understand, to appreciate the homecoming of your wholeness and your own sovereignty! All roads will lead to Rome, all of you relationships will lead back to you- You are actually seeking for YOU, the wholeness of you, the totality of you, through the reflections of people you are interacting with, they can either reflect back your good quality for your own confirmation or they can reflect back those less desirable qualities of your which you may need to improve or heal... this is another subject and I can explain to you more another time.

             I hope that I am not making it too complicated for you to digest. What I am trying to say here is,  it has been your ego or the other's ego telling you that you are not enough, that you have to find someone or something to complete you which is far from the real truth… but of course it shall not take away the enjoyment of you wanting to connect with other people. But the fundamental difference is that you don't have to be in that needy or controlling energy which is not very attractive. When you learn to owe your energy as‘ I don’t need you but I enjoy to be with you’ , don't get me wrong, I don't mean that you should be vulgar, or loud about it, but be your authentic self - to be comfortable with who you are and owe who you are regardless how the others think of you, that is super attractive!!! Trust me, when you become so confident in who you are, when you become your own sovereignty, you will never need to chase anyone, you will attract best ones who can reflect back your beauty and your greatness... Remember, you don't need compromise who you real are for love. Real love will find you when you insist in being who you are!

           Sexuality is sacred if you choose to see as such; your body is sacred if you choose to treat as such; and you can teach others how to treat you as such accordingly. You can either abuse your body vessel like a trash or you can treat it like a holy temple housing the divine essence of yours... So be very vigilant about taking in any toxins like drugs or alcohol into your body vessel, or allow those toxins or anyone using them to manipulate you. It is far better to do it with clarity in your mind and loving in your heart instead of regretting afterwards... I am your mother. Naturally I want to protect you under my wings forever and ever. But I know I can’t do that for you. No matter how much I want to protect you from any potential dangers and obstacles, I am aware, in the end, it is your life, it is your soul journey, you have to walk through it by yourself. Just remember, whatever you choose to create, you have to experience just that!- so it is with the universal law. So choose with care and enjoy your creative and wonderful manifestations in this world, career wise, relationship wise... As you know, only the sky is the limit... I love you, my sweet angel…💖

Mum

Life is like a series of movies

                  Life is like a series of movies. Even though we are aware that it is just a movie, yet we can’t help with our emotions or feeling joyful, or sad, or angry as the story is unfolding… The thing is if we don’t get our emotions involved, we can certainly avoid the feelings of those negative emotions like sadness, anger and fear, but at the same time those positive emotions would be avoided consciously or unconsciously, because the polarities of human emotions set the tones for our human experiences- how much we are willing to dive into the depth of those negative emotions determines how much we can experience the depth of the opposite emotions, which means if we want to know what ecstasy feels like we have to know what ‘at bottom’ feels like...  if we are here to enjoy a movie, don't we want to experience the movie in its full glory and the rich experience it offers without holding back ourselves?! For the physical part of us, understandably any pain or negative emotion may be unwanted and to be avoided at all costs, yet for the soul/spirit part of us, those are not so unwanted because they can offer a soul with another kind of depth, richness and value added to its soul growth …

               There are already very much of imbalances in human’s emotional bodies due to the past hurts and suppressions from our parents and even from our ancestral lines passing down to us. Those emotional wounds are not less real than the physical wounds, yet due to its hidden characteristics, often it is being treated as less of importance and being brushed aside until our emotional body become overwhelmed and overloaded with the accumulated distressed signals ‘translating’ over to our physical body and also our mental body(they all are intertwisted and interconnected) and manifesting dis-eases in our physical body or our mental body… For too long time emotions have been regarded less of importance in comparison to mental intelligence due to the misconceptions and ideas after thousands years’ human history with more male-dominated patriarchal society which promoted more logical left-brain way of thinking than the feminine way of living, failed to honor the feminine aspects such as emotions and intuition which we humans are much in need of .  Thus, even in today's so called modern people, there are so much discontents and dissatisfactions being built up, and there are so much hunger and longing for the real emotional connection and fulfillment, but unfortunately there are not enough emphasis and right guidance out there for people to lean on especially there are so much of manipulations and fake gurus, teachers out there waiting for exploiting our wounds and weakness…

               I have been down there. Even though I have always had this joyful ‘happy-go-luck’ spirit but people did not appreciate that quality especially at the time, at the place where I was born - everywhere I turned was so much misery- since the whole China was in a stage of exhaustion and paralysis after many years of wars and struggles inside and outside, so many people were much burdened with the basic needs in their life, the mentality of poverty and scarcity was common, and the distorted view of life and psychological aftermath left from their past experiences... as a small child I experienced everything as grey-ish, people often dressed greyish, without color; everyone looked so serious and grey in their facial expressions and even the sky felt very greyish... As misery likes its company but I was not like that in my nature. Everything I was they were not. People even my own parents could not appreciate my strangely joyfulness nature, I guess any sign of happiness was like a reminder of their own misery; they could not appreciate my sensitivity and my uniqueness so I was treated as a black sheep, discredited and poorly treated... So I was very much emotionally traumatized and withdrawn and have taken me years to heal my inner child wounds. So trust me, if I say that I understand your struggles, your sadness, your anger and your loneliness and your helplessness and hopelessness, and I know what it feels like to scream your lungs out but no one hears or no one cares; But trust me also, when I tell you that it does not have to continue to be that way. Though everything happened in my earlier life have set me for a not-so-promising path, even could lead me to a path self destruction, but I did not go down that path. I listened to my intuition and I followed the nudges from my spirit guides and I made a different choice - I have made a path for myself where there was basically no path. I don’t know how you define accomplishment. I have become a person as I am today, still filled with hope, passion and appreciation for life instead of having become a bitter, depressed person filled with anger and resentments towards people and life in general… for me, it is an accomplishment no matter anyone else acknowledge it or not, I no longer wait for anyone to give me that acknowledgement, I have given that to myself! 

             Our emotion health is as important as our physical health, or not even more important. Even two thousand years ago in the book 'Huangdi Neijing黄帝内经' , also called 'The Inner Classic of the Yellow Emperor' has already stated that how the status of human emotions have greater effects on our organs accordingly... since emotions were regarded more as feminine attributes, there are regarded as less desirable traits as we often hear people saying especially to guys like ‘boys don’t cry’, or ‘men should not show emotions’ etc. … this ongoing battle between male and female by disowning, disrespecting and dishonoring the opposite genders is by default a lost battle. It will only cause the further turmoil and imbalance in one’s own energy field because in the end as a soul entity, we all have been incarnated as both male and females in one life or another. A soul is androgynous by its nature, both male and female regardless which one you have chosen as a dominate characteristic to experience this lifetime of yours, so whatever you has disowned, dishonored to another will be done to yourself in one way or another, in this lifetime or next…I hope that for the sake of our children, there will be soon enough focus and awareness on our children’s emotional health(EQ), at least as much as their IQ intelligence in the school and in the society, and also raising the awareness of our way of parenting our children: What do we want for our children? An intelligent one? A happy one? A both? If can’t both, which one should we prioritize?... Those questions should be answered by each of us, should we keep doing what we have always been doing without questioning? Or is it time for change, not only for our children but also for ourselves?!

              Yes, life is like a series of movies. There is a delicate balance which each of us struggles to reach. Too much of getting involved, you may have the risk of losing yourself in the role you are playing; if not getting involved at all, why are you even here for?! How will you ever know the height of ecstasy if you don’t know the depth of sorrow? How will you understand the sweetness of love if you have not understood the brokenhearted? How will you ever desire the freedom of your spirit if you have not become undesired for the bondage of your bodily form… I guess, you would not have chosen to incarnate into this physical plane if you just want to be a non-physical watcher only. So please have some gratitude towards this life you have been given regardless how it seems imperfect in your eyes! Simply because you CAN, and you still CAN breathe, can feel the cool air flowing into your lungs and energize your whole body and feel the aliveness within you; because you still CAN smell the freshness of the grass and still CAN touch and embrace your loves ones and friends with your arms and your loving eyes… and you still CAN use your physical senses to experience the richness of life offered to you in all its splendor and richness…So be grateful, even towards those you have perceived as negative ones! For those, which have enriched your life and probably have grown you most…

            There is no need to be fearful for the negative emotions or experiences. Our physical body can’t help feeling what has been felt. But don’t judge yourself too harshly for what you have felt or what you have done or not done… it is what it is- just an experience. You have this or that feeling, but you are not your feeling; you have done this or that, but you are not your story; YOU in your essence are beyond all of this or that! So at any given time you can choose to re- connect with your soul, your higher self, or your spirit guides or angels(whatever you believe) to shift from your normal worldly view to a higher point of view, in order to see the bigger picture and to be able to appreciate who you are and where you are at once again... In that way, you will never astray too far from your destined path and you will gradually gain your self confidence and more importance you will gain a renewed sense of hope and faith for your life! Because in truth, by you alone, you can change your entire story as you so choose. There is no real victim here, each human is creator for his/her life story- a happy ending as you desire( hard work is needed of course, no pain no gain) or a sorrowful and  regretful ending as you choose to keep your mind stuck in your own created illusions of victimhood or scarcity… 

             You probably have heard about that the earth is a school, indeed it is. Just as the schools on earth, there are kindergartens, elementary schools, high schools and universities for different levels… each soul is meant to go through different levels of 'schooling' to learn the lessons to further its soul journey. If one particular lesson is not learned, you have to redo it and master it until your soul/higher self is satisfied in order to move to a new level. There is no judgement or punishment from God/Goddess or our divine Father/mother(whatever you prefer), the only judgment is your higher self, your own soul/spirit will judge onto yourself… Each soul entity has its own uniqueness, its own strength and weakness and at different level of its soul journey, there is no need to judge or to compare  with other souls- ‘In the end every road leads to Rome and every path leads us back Home’! Please understand this soul journey is not easy for anyone, each has different sets of challenges and blessings, even for those old advanced souls who we today may name them as star seeds or lightworkers. Their initial missions were to bring new energies of love, joy , courage and peace to this much needed earth, to assist earthlings’ consciousness evolution, to bring them back to the God’s unity consciousness, and to raise the unity awareness for the mother earth and all the beings living in it… Yet when those brave yet sensitive souls underestimated the heavy pull of the dense energies on earth, things can get of hand as well. When their sensitivity being mocked and ridiculed, their kindness and empathic nature being taken advantage of, their uniqueness being ostracized and their initial passion for humanity can be at risk of turning into depression, anger and resentments, totally disconnected from who they really are, and what they are here for, and some even get corrupted by their own ego … So brave souls, watch out! Please armor and anchor yourself with the warrior light firmly first before you set out to help the anyone else,  otherwise you will be pulled down and drowned yourself before you could help anyone …

             In the spiritual community, there are often a lot of talks about those ideas about unity consciousness and the Oneness- all the dark and light energy is the same One energy, all the good and bad is just the two sides of the same coin. It is absolutely right, after your consciousness has evolved into such a level- it is supposed to be a natural process of evolution into this so called unity consciousness, it can’t be forced or manipulated in any way. For example, it is like innocence. It is easy for a baby to be innocent, but it is not easy for an adult to be innocent especially after being bruised by people and life- the first innocence is natural, the second innocence is an accomplishment! Same with the unity consciousness, we can’t acquire or even understand what the unity consciousness is all about until we have gone through the different stages of separated consciousness. We have to be brutally honest with ourselves by acknowledging our shadows and darkness in order to heal and transmute those distorted energies within us. Before we are at the point of unity consciousness, we must acknowledge first we are NOT there. Please don’t run away, dear warrior souls, face your own demons head on! You will be surprised one day, those ‘ demons’ you have identified in you was merely some distorted energies within you which just need your attention, care and unconditional love... Once they being healed and transmuted, those ‘demons’ can even turn into your greatest alliances!!

            Yes, life is like a series of movies. When we are watching a good movie, with all the dramas going on the screen, at that moment everything seemed so close and so real to us, we got totally immersed in its story we laughing or tearing like fools… yet if we step out a little, we might notice that all the dramas are no more than some projections from the light beams onto the screen, nothing is real(Could it be possible the real us, our higher selfs are light beings out there projecting all its creation and dramas into some kind of holograms we humans called it reality...? Just an interesting thought.)    … So please remember to step out or step aside, from time to time, to recheck and realign with our soul and our highest purpose: What kind of story are we telling about ourselves and the others? And what kind of story do we want to create for ourselves and the others?... Eventually this shall be answered by us each in facing our Maker, soon or later.

 

 

(Note: Routinely I meditate a few minutes before starting to write, I wrote down whatever my thoughts were taking me at the moment, which I would like to credit to my beloved spirit guides and their nudges and inspirations... Dear readers, right now I can only dedicate one or max. 2 hours per month to write my blog for you until maybe that I become a full-time writer one day, until then please understand that I have a normal life to live and I may not have the time to edit my writing to its perfection… but hopefully my message is forwarded to you successfully nevertheless. My blog is totally non-profit, I try to share my thoughts and my experiences with you, because I have to do so, because it is written in my soul...Love)

Contemplating on the teachings of St.Germain

                              

                             Man is divine if he so choose the company of the divine;

                              Man is evil if he so choose the company of the evil;

                             This divine truth has been taught by all the mystics 

                             crossing continents throughout the ages...

 

Contemplating on the teachings of the beloved ascended master: St. Germain

                Each is a universe onto itself. You and your own imaginations can create the dimensions which you are living in. I am responsible for the creation in my universe, you and yours. I can fill my universe with my beloved gods, angels, ancestral guides, and my beloved ones, and with all the beauty, harmony and abundance… you can fill your universe with anything you desire. This world will be always filled with good, bad and ugly, but what I shall take from this world to create my own world is up to me, and your world is up to you! So between you and me, we may be living next door only a few meters away from each other in a physical sense but many worlds apart on a spiritual plane.

                It is NOT what we do determine our success, our title or our job but our energy-the state of being which affects our environments which we are unconscious of most of the time. When we start to be responsible for our own energy and what we send forth towards the environment we are living in. That is all we come here to do, by transforming our own energy, then the mother earth will be transformed accordingly, instead another way around.

               In the future there will be better understanding that the royalty has nothing to do with one’s blood, type, bank account but one’s own cultivated energy-one’s soul truth. Other things are just illusions and maya. Since the nature of the body consciousness is always fearful-fearful for pain, hunger and sickness and death while the soul/spirit is forever fearless. It has always served the ruling class well to manipulate people’s fear for controlling. From treating the inflicted pain to one’s body, imprisonment, prosecution, punishment even death to make people bend to their will… so tell me, where is the royalty in all those?!

Judge Not...

 

 

             Sometimes I can’t help myself wondering what it would be like to live all by myself, off grid, in solitude, in silence, turning away from all the noises from this human world… at the same time it feels that my soul has already known the answer somehow – You have done that before in your past lives, don’t you remember…? Yet the soul remembrance of that bitter sweet solitary existence still pulls my heart string at times, especially at those times of feeling disappointed, misunderstood and feeling more lonely in the midst of a crowd than being alone all by myself… because I know how people can judge each other while the birds don't, the trees don''t and the rivers don't…

          I remember in my earlier years, how people tried to warn me by telling me the terrible stories  about the dangerous animals, the dark forests and deep water, and the monstrous evil spirits… that I could be hurt, taken away or even killed by those ferocious visible and invisible creatures if I did not listen to the grownups and follow their guidance for protection…Yet my entire childhood reality has revealed me with different stories – I have never been hurt by any dangerous animals, dark forests nor any evil spirit(on the contrary, may have been saved and protected by the kind spirits which I can tell in another time); On another hand, I have been so hurt by my fellow humans, by their unkind words and careless actions even those who claimed to love me, to protect me yet have wounded me most … Oh, how can people be so judgmental even though they know so little about you?!I wondered and wondered...

…If she is a girl then she can’t be anything more than a good wife or a good mother;

If she has a pretty face then most likely that she doesn’t have much of a brain;

If she looks young and childlike then she can’t be possible wise or be taken seriously;

If she is soft and sensitive then she can’t be possible strong or has what it takes;

If she is playful and lighthearted then either she knows nothing about sorrow or she must be a real fool;

If she likes fashion and enjoys beautiful things then she must be materialistic and she can’t be possible spiritual;

If she is spiritual then she can't be intellectual and probably she is witchy worshipping the devils;

Or, if she is beautiful, good, virtuous and wise then she must be a too-good-to-be-true-bitch there must be  something really evil hidden under her sleeves…

           It has never ceased to amaze me that how people work with their judgments. If they would like, they can find reasons to judge you for being less of them then their egos get little boost; and at the same time they can also find reasons to judge you secretly for being better than them because their egos get intimidated… Do you remember how this kind of ego played out about 2,000 years ago? How the crowd chose Barabbas-a notorious criminal over Jesus for the crucifixion…?! It breaks my heart every time when I think about it – when people made that choice, they actually had chosen their egos over their souls! Because a lesser being satisfied their pathetic egos while the virtue and the light of Jesus reflecting their own darkness and wickedness in comparison which hurt their delusional egos… So be aware, while you are dealing with a man in his/her soul, be kind and loving with your soul to his/her soul; while you dealing with a man in his/her ego, just run away as fast as you can!

         Though as an adult today I can handle judgments much better since I have understood that people’s judgments say much more about themselves than anyone else, but it still can hurt. For many sensitive souls like me, those careless unkind words or unjust actions from the others can cut so deep into our sensitive hearts even causing the long effect of disorientation and fragmentation in our souls which may take a lot of conscious self love and self care work to have those wounds healed…

           As a child, I was too sensitive and emotional for my own good. I could easily pick up the energies around me and especially the emotional energies which this trait was not much of a blessing but more of a curse for me at the time of being a child. So quite often I picked up and mistook other’s emotions as my own, I got sad, angry, frustrated and overwhelmed for no apparent reasons according to the others. For example, once I followed my father to a local open market to buy some meat, Chinese love so called 'fresh and alive' food. As soon as I entered that place, I got immediately overwhelmed with what I saw, heard and smelt... No kidding, I was hearing the screams and cries from those waiting-to-be-slaughtered animals like chickens, ducks, fishes, pigeon and everything else you can imagine… when my eyes laid upon a newly- throat-cut duck being hanged upside down, the fresh red blood flowing down on her white spotless feather, her body was twitching dying while people were standing by laughing exchanging the money stained with her blood… I burst into tears uncontrollably, people stopped wondering what was wrong with me. My father felt so embarrassed and angry at me being such a drama queen in a public place… afterwards my father never took me back to that kind of market again and I gladly not.

           I kinda realized that I may be too sensitive for the environment I was living in, even to my own family which contributed much of the misunderstanding and wrongful judgments towards me. It was hard for me as a vulnerable child even though I can see the bigger picture in all of those today-that I was supposing to channel in some kind of new energy and new way of thinking into an established but stagnated society; that I was made not to fit in but to serve as some kind of catalyst for the old outdated minds; that it was not meant to destroy me but to make me stronger in my own faith; and that I had gone though was not meant to be a punishment from any God but a chosen path of my own soul… of course, it is always easier said than done. We all know, as long as men live in their egos, they don't appreciate a catalyst even it has the great potential to grow them; and they don't like either their darkness and shadows being mirrored back to their faces which they have been trying to hide desperately because the truth can be really uncomfortable at times…

             Looking back at myself, it has taken quite some time to heal my inner child which its nature was very sensitive, intuitive and happy-go-lucky initially but was carelessly and deeply wounded by people especially during my childhood, with all the negative emotional energies I constantly picked up around me, with the overwhelming sense of pain within me caused not only by the physical illness but also by being subjected to the emotional abuses almost on daily basis… I know I should give more credit to myself for the work I have done for me, for that my heart has not become harden because of those negative experiences; that my optimistic attitude for life has not faded away because of those tough experiences; that I have not lost my faith in the Spirit and my soul journey after all those obstacles if not even more strengthened... Because today I can see clearly where I was once before- the very very bottom! I was made to believe that I was the worst daughter, the ugliest, stupidest and the most unlovable girl in the whole world…  and I have even prayed that I would sleep and drift away painlessly without having to wake up the next morning so I could stop being a burden, being an annoyance to people, and so all the pain I felt in my body and in my heart would stop hurting so much…

         Today people are still judging but I have stopped judging myself at least. I try to choose to be joyful and lighthearted as often as possible, not because of being judged as naïve or unrealistic , but simply because I have had enough of sorrow and heaviness in the past; and here I share my personal journey with you, not because I need your attention or recognition, but simply because I know what is like to be in the dark feeling meaningless, helpless and hopeless, and how a few kind inspiring words can sometimes mean so much… Remember, dear souls, if there is no one there giving you a shoulder to lean on, lean on your own spirit for strength instead; if there is no one giving you a hand, give yourself a helping hand instead- be your own best parents if you have to; be your own best friend if you have to; be your own best cheerleader if you have to...

          But please don't turn to anyone or anything(drugs or addictions) which may give you temporary relief but dis-empower you and make you feel more powerless and helpless in the long run; and please don’t spend too long time in sorrow,  in blaming, in negativities or dwelling in the past because your time here is too precious to waste and plus whatever you spend your energies in will persist; Instead, please try to turn your energy and focus inwards – reconnecting with your own soul and reconnecting your soul with the All- knowing and All-powerful Spirit. When you no longer identify yourself as only a limited physical being but as a soul entity, and knowing that you belong to that All knowing and All powerful Spirit family once you align your own individual soul with the Spirit! Imagine that kind of unlimited power- no one and nothing outside of you can truly hurt you unless you allow them. You can have the whole Spirit family with you from your angelic guides, your ancestors guides to your spiritual teams all are standing right behind you and ready to connect with you giving you guidance and support(warning: Just make sure your soul's will is aligned with their good will in order to manifest successfully, otherwise any misusage of divine spiritual power will eventually bring much of karma upon yourself ) ... So stop viewing yourself as a victim under some unfortunate circumstances because you are NOT! You have all the power to change your life, all by yourself! and at any time! If you don’t like what you have become, what you have manifested, you don’t need to die waiting for your next reincarnation to fix something, to restart something new , to change your life. You can do that right NOW, in this lifetime!!!

            In truth, if viewed above from your soul (your higher self) point of view: In order for you to know what a true unconditional love is, you must know what is NOT- by going through the experiences of heartbreaks, false love and conditional ‘love; same with the inner alchemy, in order for you to recognize your own power, your soul would prompt you to manifest the opposite experiences first which is to feel powerless, helpless and hopeless…So seen from the grander scale, everything happened and happens are for us , not against us! If you are willing to change your mind about yourself, the whole game of your holographic manifestation will be changed forever…

         It has been always our mind, our ego mind keeps us trapped in fear, from reaching our highest potentials. When we put ourselves in a box and live out the entire life within that box, defending the stupid honor of being consistent no matter how unhappy and miserable inside…hopefully in the near future, people will embrace more the nature of their souls- the multifaceted-ness and the multidimensional-ness; and people will appreciate more of those who have mastered and integrated the different energies of dualities or multifaceted-ness within them instead of settling with their one or two dimensional existences... Souls don’t have ego, they don't need the medal of consistency. They just want to experience what is like to be feminine and also what is like to be masculine without fearing of being labelled or judged; the souls just want to experience what is like to be a boss and as much as what is like to be childlike; the souls just want to know what the actions are about and as well as what the silence is about… It is we humans who have become rigid and boring, we limit ourselves to certain roles, certain archetype standards, certain codes of behaviors yet deep inside having the knowing that we have limited our own creative potentiality and we have failed to express our souls’ true desires which can cause the sadness and bitterness of unfulfillments inside our souls...As all misery loves company, it is exactly that unfulfilled, unhappy parts of us usually make us so eagerly ready to judge at anyone who dares to live outside of the box, who dare to be happy and free...

        So dear souls, there is time for work and there is a time for play. Put down your usual role for a while; put down your silly ego for a while; put down the judgments for others as well as your own, just feel the warm breeze of a sunny day, smiling at people as if they are your dear old friends, chasing the butterflies and rainbow as if you were a child again… after all, summer is here… Happy Summer!

the Mystical Union

 

I remember ,

Long long ago I had a beautiful dream.

In the dream I felt so cradled and loved-

by an ocean of Great Love endless and limitless…

I was loved for all my perfections

as well as all my imperfections;

I was loved for my strength and accomplishments-

as well as my weakness and vulnerabilities;

I was loved not just for my body or my intellect or my virtue;

I was loved for who I AM, the totality of ME;

I was loved without judgment or condition or any aftermath;

I was loved with total acceptance and total freedom…

 

Yet, When I woke up to this world  with so much excitements-

yet with so much confusions and disorientations,

sometimes this so called reality felt more like a dream to me-

or more like a nightmare which I couldn't wake up from…

Lifetime after lifetime I was in and out of this world,

Though I have had glimpses of love –

which had some resemblances to the Great Love once I knew

but many more times with the complications followed by

sorrow and disappointments like terrible shadows hidden behind of the claims of love as I became familiar with-

People claimed to be my protector yet abandoned me when I needed them most;

People claimed to be my friends yet stabbed my back when the interest was in the play;

People claimed to love me yet betrayed me with all kinds of excuses and conditions...

 

Oh, how much tears shed are called enough?!

Oh, how many times of heart breaks are called enough?!

Oh, how many lifetimes of repeating the cycle are called enough?!...

The kind of human love can be so desirable yet so challenging;

The kind of human love can be so wonderful yet so painful;

The kind of human love can ease my thirst temporarily  -

yet it can never quite quench the thirst  within my soul-

even though I was not sure  what I was looking for at the time

but I have had the inner knowing all along that there is more to everything for sure …

I should have known better but I did not always act better as blinded by love-

As people can only understand me at the level of they understanding themselves;

So people can only love me at the level of they loving themselves -

more than that, simply can’t.

 

It has been always my own stubbornness-

that I couldn’t let go of the desire of re-experiencing and re-creating

the dream of that perfect Love even on this physical plane-

there is remembrance of 'heaven on earth' buried deeply in my soul consciousness-

 which I knew it is possible even everyone else told me otherwise...

So I kept seeking

So I kept dreaming

So I kept fighting ...

But instead of feeling moving closer and closer to my dream 

I watched my dream moving further and further by the reality of the world;

I watched my life force slowly draining away to a point of exhaustion-

my body had become too weary to take another punch;

my heart had become too broken to take another sword;

my soul had become too burdened to take any more karmic burdens…

 

In that breaking point of trying to save my own sanity,

I withdrew my energy from the outer world and returned to myself-

especially the unloved part of me, the wounded child in me..

So I was forced to re-evaluate all my attached ideas and beliefs

about myself, others, life and about my goals and dreams…

In that breaking point between my past, present and future

Unexpectedly things started to move again,

I could sense the restoring of my energy level day after day -

as if all the energies used to project outwards started to be pulled back to me;

I could even feel the restoring of my soul fragments in many subtle ways-

as if all the soul fragments lost in time and space started to be called back to me…

 

And the most unexpectedly thing was-

my previous visions started to come back to me-

like an old flame reawakened by the wordless words whispering in my dream:

‘My Beloved one,

If you could see what we see

If you could know what we know

You would never doubt again if you are loved or not…

You came from the ocean of the infinite Big Love(not the small human love),

You were made from the eternal divine love (not the fleeting human love),

There has no need for you to seek love outside of you in order to feel complete,

because you are already that Love

and you are already complete…

 

It is your human mind-

which make you feel the need to venture to different worlds in order to find your way home;

It is your human mind-

which make you feel the need to go on far land pilgrims in order to find your lost love;

It is your human mind-

which you glorify so much in your world has caused major downfalls for many earthly souls;

It is your human mind –

which make you unable to see through the veils because often it stands in your own way of perceiving the Truth- as you are falling in love with all the glittery gifts bestowed upon you but you could not perceive the Giver, the bestower behind all the gifts… HE/SHE (God/Goddess, Divine father/mother)/the Spirit (whatever you prefer the name)desires to be loved by you unconditionally as much as you desire to be loved unconditionally- not to love HIS/HER gifts but also love HIM/HER with all your heart… because this HE/SHE is the greatest LOVER behind all the lovers, in this world and in the beyond …

Thus no matter how long and how far you has journeyed away from HIM/HER, deep within every soul there is a grand divine design of an individual soul innately seeking for its union with its Maker- the great Spirit HE/SHE, seeking for returning to its source, to its original status of being - feeling that eternal peace and blissfulness in that endless, limitless ocean of Love of the Spirits… This is called the soul's homecoming in many ancient esoteric traditions - the mystical and the sacred union between the individual Soul and the All-knowing, All-loving Spirit...

So my beloved one, you would not believe-

How long, how patiently we have been waiting for your return-

that how many more times to have your heart broken to realize your own value?

that how many more lessons you have to repeat to release all your attachments?

that how much more time to exhaust yourself -

 in seeking the love outside of you which is already inside of you?!...

When you are ready to face the truth who you really are and where you are really going,

When you allow the Spirit take lead of your mind, body-

your soul will be released from the prison of your mind and your body, finally.

Your soul comes alive again- rejoiced and utterly free 

Your soul comes home again- long sought after reunion... 

Only when you have come to the term of the sacred union  with yourself- 

all lost parts of your selfs (your light and your shadows, your soul and the Spirit)

then you will be able to truly come to terms with the union of the human love-

Good or bad- all adds to the colors and the fullness of your soul in the end...''